busted affair again!

[Denver_2010]

She had complaints about our relationship but stupid me didn't pay attention. Her complaints was we became distant, didn't do dating like couple would do, I didn't have time for her, didn't talk to her, what else? That's all I remember for now. I really didn't think these were a big deal until the bomb. Oh and she told me I wasn't really a good father. I felt like she blamed me for everything to justify her EA.

Your story sounds very familiar. Very typical on this board. And yes, I'm sure that she was finding anything and everything to validate her EA. That's PART of it. The other part is that she probably did feel those things. She probably was not feeling fulfilled in those areas.

I understand I'm not perfect, and my 180s were focusing on the kids. I'm more involved since the bomb. After reading on this forum I confirmed I was doing the right thing so now I keep working on to be a better dad.

Its hard because one of her complaints were I had a world of my own and did my own stuff during the marriage. So with GALing my fear is that this would confirm her impression of me. Need your thoughts on this.

VERY similar to my own sitch. This can be VERY difficult to balance. Your 180 has to be to be a more involved H. Sharing your life as a H should. BUT, you will also have to use LRT (last resort technique) IF the EA does not end, or if it progresses to PA.

I think my wife is getting the words of affirmation from the guy. It make sense, because it's all text and somehow she fell for it. She says she's in love and he's in love with her. And I finally realized her love language is affirmation and acts of service after reading 5LL.

Well, as with many of us, we wish that we would have educated ourselves with material such as 5LL much earlier, but at least you have the knowledge now. Yes, I'm sure that she is receiving something from OM that was missing in her M to you. If she is willing to end the EA, then you HAVE to figure out how to provide her what she needs to feel loved and to be happy.

Also, to answer a question from your next post, I do think that it is okay that you gave her 5LL if she is receptive to it. It can be pursuing, but, like I said, if she is receptive to working on your M, then I think that it is okay. BUT, under no circumstances to you give her divorce busting materials, or refer her to this site. At least right now.

About the OM, all I know is he's a childhood friend about 20 yrs ago and my W found him in FB and start talking with him. He's married and he told my W he's also having difficulties in his married.

Good info to just sit on right now.