Devastated

[zig]

Hi lapoo -
i just saw that new thread you started and advice to continue on this one.

please don't be discouraged that no one has responded for a few days.it happens to all of us.

meanwhile - stick to the 37 rules like glue and read as much as you can of others threads - that's where most of us "get it" - not only from our own.

I don't have time write now to read through your sich, but will later - i just read the last post you made and what comes to mind is that you are too focused on your h right now.

that's normal - and we all struggle tremendously with that.

can you try to find things to do that would take your focus away? also - and this is very very hard - you have to KNOW that pulling away from your h will NOT mean you lose him, necessarily.

there's alot of DB stuff that is counterintuitive - and that is one of them for sure.

you don't pull away by doing negative things - you pull away by focusing on other more positive things for you

you don't have to be there for him every moment. in fact he needs to miss you a bit -

there is a lot of panicky feelings that come up during this time as we wade through the muck trying to figure out what exactly we must do to save our sitches. but over time, you will find, that saving our sitches means saving ourselves first - sort of the equivalent of putting on your own oxygen masks before you put your kid's mask on in a plane.

same concept here -

so hang in there - be brave and courageous - which in this case means turning to yourself rather than your h for answers

start by finding out what your values are and then determinedly sticking by them, so that you feel stronger and have a base within which to work

will check in later

zig