Tomorrow is a New Day

[hopefulinga]

I do KWIM, scaredsilly, and I've been trying to think of ways to set boundries without being a bitch about it, which is my normal mode of operation. I don't know if I am afraid of abandonment because I already feel abandoned. I want some of me back.

We lived together and thus it is hard to really say I can't. The only way that I can think of would be to disappear. We're at the point that when I do try to set boundries and say I need some me time, H's voice immediately gets loud and I have to hear about poor pitiful him, like I'm supposed to feel sorry for him and how dare I compare my situtaion to his.

He does not directly tell me what he is up to, he says what he is doing in front of other people so that I am thrown off guard and do not have time to really say no. And that's if he tells me at all. I've gotten the morning of, Oh by the way, I'm going to so and so with so and so, see you tomorrow.

You are correct about the give and take and the little respect. I am trying to find ways to make it a 2 way street, but am failing miserably. I welcome any ideas. I sometime wonder if it is too far gone.

And, LA, sometimes I do think he is trying to be such a jerk that I will pull the D trigger. I've thought that for quite a while. Because then he can be the ultimate victim. He tells everyone how horrible I am and then can say, can you believe how bad she is? Look at poor me. I am so wonderful and she left me. No one knows how bad he treats me. Everyone assumes he is wonderful to me and treats me like he treats other.

I am also dealing with a guy that is way overstepping the friends boundry and H has no back bone to push him off. The loser even buys the same shorts and shoes that H has. He is ALWAYS around at the airport, will not let me get a word in edgewise, knows when H is away and then is there when he gets back before D16 and I can even see him, competes with my cooking for H. And the list can go on. I've tried to discuss this with H and he tells me I'm jealous, blah blah, there is nothing wrong with it.

I also think some of this is hold over from the last marriage that I cannot do anyting about and may never go away.

I've read part of your thread and will go back today. I thought about having the maid conversation last night when he was again 30 minutes late for dinner after I knew he was out talking to his BFF at the airport. I felt like telling him to go have that guy cook for him, do his wash, etc.

After dinner, he told me that he wanted to go back to the airport and pack his motorcyle, which is where he keeps it. I looked at him and said, now? He thought about it for a minute and then said, well, I guess I can do it tomorrow and stayed home.

A couple of observations that make me know I am not crazy and there is something going on with him:

1. This am he asked me where I put the baggies. I assumed he meant the recycled grocery store bags, as he had a pair of shoes in his hand he wanted to pack. After I got that, he said, no the baggies with my clothes. Less than 12 hours before, he put the baggies on the table in the dinning room and actually rearranged them. I told him they were on the table where I put them.

2. I did some billing for him this am. I asked him about a work order that only had 1 of 2 pages. The page I didn't have showed the customer and the work. I asked him who the job was. He couldn't tell me and then told me it was already billed. Well, it wasn't. It was a job for 9 hours of labor.

3. I've asked him repeatedly about a job he did in June out of town and how much to bill. I asked him about it earlier this week and he said, didn't you already send a bill for $$? No, you never told me and I've asked repeatedly and I needed the work order.

Last night I did tell him that a client invited us to his farm and how nice it would be for all 3 of us to go and that he would get along great with the client. He told me that if I wanted to go, then to go. He had no desire to go to a farm. He then said, with all the driving I do, you should know that I don't want to drive around on the weekend. I just bit my tounge and let it go. So, 5 to 6 hour bike trip this weekend, and driving 3+ hours at the end of the month for BBQ competition and drove 3 hours 2 weeks ago for BBQ competition?

I am seriously considering not doing his wash while he is gone. I'm sure I will be accused of being cruel and whatever else he can come up with.