Can Turtles climb?

[needgrace]

sweet zig

what a wonderful post about acceptance.. about staying focused on yourself and not spinning and about staying on the blanket no matter what.

i feel so honored to witness your growth and strength....truly honored.

(((((((((((( )))))))))))

[2chiquitos]

Great insight! What if I didn't know H was still talking to OW? How would I act? hmmm

If I'm thinking about H (obsessing about my sitch) then I'm not focusing on ME! SOOOOoooo TRUE!!

Check out my post zig I followed your advice! I feel like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders!

[Brit45]

D&ck my wonderful innocent friend.

I don't care if you have one toe or you're whole body off the blanket I think you've adopted a mindset that allows you to be detached and centered! Like Grace said such huge growth for you!!!

There were so many individual things in your post that could have spun you in circles and overtaken your thoughts. And you didn't let them overwhelm or upset you! So proud of you!

H does that too.....wants to know if I'm okay with things and wants my approval. Earlier in my sitch I may have thought this meant we still had a connection, he valued my opinion, he looked to me for emotional reassurance. I don't see it that way now. I do think he feels nervous about his new R in the way your H feels nervous about a R that began as an affair. And in their heads they know that normal rational people will say "isn't that too soon?" or wonder immediately how you're dealing with it. So it's if they tell themselves that you're okay, the two of you are still friends, the D is amicable, then they don't feel guilty or it lessens their guilt and reassures them that the divorce and new R are all good things. I'n so happy to know that when I tell my friends that I'm met mr amazing (whenever that happens) I will feel confident enough inside in my decision that I won't need any one else's approval!

You are doing fantastic! I'm glad my words helped. Love you pretty girl!

[ces67]

had to talk to s about a difficult issue tonight - and lo and behold - magic - i got it right and it didn't end in a disaster. how cool is that? and in fact - i got a bonus - even though it was upsetting to him, he felt calmed and reassured by me so much that at the end he was talking to me in a really loving voice. so new and different and wonderful.

so i have learned a few things along the way ;), in spite of all the pain

so worth it

So cool when we can connect with our kids in a positive and intimate way. Have a good day Zig!

[StubbornDyke]

Just wow, Zena.

((((( )))))

[labug]

I agree, Brit, they're the nice guy, they don't want anyone to think less of them so everyone has to be OK with their choices.

[needgrace]

i think that underneath it all they know...

that their choices are hurtful,
and what they say to family, friends and themselves is a form of denial to again avoid discomfort.

my meditation yesterday on forgiveness said that when others hurt us or we hurt others it always comes out of fear and/or pain.

what do you all think?

[bustingout]

i agree completely NG. I think if i could go back to all of the times i hurt someone or felt hurt by someone, if i had the skills to look at the underlying causes, i would have seen a lot of fear of rejection, abandonment and not feeling loved/valued.

zig- i am in awe of you after reading your recent posts. and to echo NG...definietly honored to be a witness to your growth.

(((((( ))))))

[labug]

I agree, Grace.

[figure-it-out]

Zig,
I have not posted to you before but have been reading along with your situation since the beginning. I just wanted to say how much inspiration and insight I have received from your situation. Mine is quite similar. I have really started looking forward to your posts and trying to put some of the way you handle situations with your H into practice myself. Thank you for working through your pain in such a public way. You have definitely helped me.