I moved!! Best thing I could have ever done for myself. I love my job!! The people are amazing and it feels so good to belong to something. I love my new place!! I can tell the kids love it too. It feels like home. I'm still in the process of getting settled but I'm loving it more and more everyday. The first time I had my S4 after I had moved in and his room was put together (his old bed and his old toys) he walked in his room and said, "Mom, this is incwedible!" The pure joy on his face was priceless. It proved to me that I made the right decision in moving where I did.
He told me he loves living here. And my D6 absolutely loves getting up every morning and getting ready for school. She gets to ride the bus now and eat school lunch so she is super big!! Ha!
As for H. He is continuing on his search in looking for a place with OW which is closer to me. I haven't seen or heard anything from him regarding filing for D. I have to limit how much I talk to him about his plan to move in with OW. It still tips me off a bit. It's like I'm living in a whole new world where no one I knew from my previous life exists anymore... except for my children. I look forward to each day and I feel like I have purpose.
I still miss my H. And I think he's crazy for letting me go. Really I do. We get a long really well now. Funny, huh. There's been a lot more texting in regards to our things in our storage units and getting my place set up and the kids with their schools, etc. And I know it has a lot to do with me. I'm not crazy, psycho JKS anymore. At least not very often... ha.
I'm still not completely ready to put myself out there as far as dating goes. In a way, I kinda just want that to happen as it happens. I don't want to go looking for dates. I know I will be blessed with a great person to share my life with one way or the other. I have complete faith in this and I'm happy to wait for the right time for it to come.
I just got internet set up in my place and so my viewing and posting here has been pretty non-existent. And to be honest... I'm going to try and keep it that way in the future because I've realized that my life is meant to be lived. And I was sucking a lot of my time away by sitting in front of my computer and dwelling on my sitch.
So happy I've had all of you to help me through this huge life changing event. Whenever people talk to me about how things are going and what I think about it... they always tell me, wow, you sound like you've really thought this through and you know exactly what you want. Which is absolutely true. I felt very lost for so many months and I'm finally feeling like I have direction. I credit a lot of my rational thinking and positive attitude to a lot of you who continually posted to me. It has helped me more than anything I ever did for myself over this last year.
My 9 year wedding anniversary was on Aug 28 and you know what? I was maybe sad for a second or two and then I moved on with my day. I even happened to see H that day to pick up my kids from him and I didn't even remember about our anniversary. Obviously, it would be wonderful to celebrate all our years together but I'm ok that we're not. I'm celebrating a year of tremendous GROWTH!! I can't even believe I'm talking like this after everything I've been through and the things I still currently go through.
It still hurts to hear OW's name out of my kids' mouths. They still talk about her all the time. And I just have to tell them to stop now. I used to let them go on like normal and pretend it didn't bother me. But now I have to stop them because I have a bubble of happiness and for some odd reason, her name seems to pop it. So, yes, there are still a lot of things that trigger emotions for me. That is why moving as far away as I did was the greatest thing for me because I've gotten rid of a lot of those triggers.
When I see my H, I still get nervous in the moments leading up to it. I kinda wish those feelings would go away and I know one day they will.
Overall, I'm happy! I feel good. I'm making amazing new friends. My kids are happy. And apparently I'm getting divorced... LOL. But, when? I have no idea. I will not be filing so we'll see how he decides to handle it.
I've missed you all.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
