Divorced #4

[Mrs D]

Therapy was good Carnac. I told him of everything that happened this week, and that I am done chasing. He says that hes glad that Ive finally come to that point, and we set a small timeline to see if I can make it through next week. I really think I am going to do it!

So then I go to Xs house. I go in because I have a check for him from a guy at work he did work for. He finally wrote a check for what he owes me. Then we leave. I dont even know how to act around him anymore. To be honest, I still feel the hurt I guess from the weekend. I dont know.

So anyway, C says to me Dad told me about Amber tonight? Whoa. I said what did you say? He said we were at sam's dads house and he asked my dad if Amber liked the ride Sunday. C turned to his dad and said who's Amber? X told him she was just a friend. Sam's dad's like.... oh..... sorry if I said something I shouldnt have. I tell C to get his jams out, go to bed and I was taking the garbage out and will be in to tuck you in.

I call X. So... C knows about Amber? He tells me the same story that C did, said it was out of his hands. I was so hurt and angry. I didnt let on... for some reason he told out son that she is to him what the EA (?) Was to me. Whoa again. I did not have anything physical with this person. Im like ... really? Then I thought maybe he really thinks this is the same thing that I had done to him, and maybe thats whats making him feel better .. but then... I shouldn't be thinking what hes thinking anyway...

I told him that at this point I didnt really care what he was doing with her. (Although it kills me) He said all I want is for you to be happy. Why cant you be happy for me? I said I was happy. He said I never made you happy. I said that he did, I was the one that was unhappy with herself. And that I am working through my issues. Then I said and that doesnt matter. Then I asked him to please, please please do not bring her around C. I said do whatever you need to with your life, but leave him out of it. He is already having a hard enough time through this all. He says, Trish. Give me more credit than that. He wont be around her for a very very very long time. I said thats all I can ask for and told him Id talk to him later and hung up.

This is not how my night was supposed to end. I was strong today. Now I feel like I took those four steps back at the expense of my son.