IH Separation-continuing to grow as we grow apart

[breakdownbill]

When we last had an R talk 2 months ago I told her that I wasn't prepared to be part of any love triangle or open M and that we can't begin to work on our M while she is still dancing with the OM.

And what did she say about that?

She said that she was sorry, understood, said it was too difficult for her to talk about & just went quiet.

Your W has an "emotional" investment with this man. It doesn't matter if you're a god in bed, if your W doesn't feel any passion towards you then there is no attraction. What have you done about that?

My W does obviously have this emotional investment with this OM and with 2 of her friends in the same class who she is very close to. I'm not trying to justify this, I'm just saying that this is another factor in her not wanting to quit the class and break contact with the OM. I don't know for sure what the situation is with them now, all's I know is that she won't stop dancing with him or stop going to that class.

How are your regular interactions together? Do you go out alone with her, have dinners, etc.?

All our interactions are when the kids are around - we don't do anything on our own together. I've said in the past that this needs to be initiated by my W, so I know that she genuinely wants to spend time alone with me and not just appeasing me. Even if it was just coffee, that would be a start, but for me it needs to come from her.

Like I keep saying, I know what I want to do, but I am not in a position to do it & I am just accepting the situation for what it is.

There is no point in me making an ultimatum that I cannot back up, right now I am keeping it together, observing what's going on, but focusing on what I can control in my life, my studies and my relationship with my children.

I can't change what has happened or what is happening right now with my W, but I can keep on my path and when I get there, yeah it might be too late to save our M, but right now it wouldn't matter what I said or did.

The only thing that MIGHT change this is if I filed or moved out, I'm not in a position to do either right now.

If you had any other suggestions on how I can enforce boundaries, I'd really like to hear them.

I appreciate that you are asking me the hard questions and I'm not taking them personal, I think your a good listener and you say it as you see it and I like that about you.

Bill