Stuckville...population 2.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Harrier,

Not here for very long atm, so this will be more blunt than it normally is.

1) she doesn't necessarily want to get divorced (she cried while telling me this) But added that the reason that she doesn't want to get divorced isn't because she so in love with me she can't imagine my life without you kind of reason. She said that she wanted to honor her vows. And thinks she'd fall apart if we divorced.

2) She suggested that we start up MC again, this time with someone new. (But then backed up a bit saying with 2 small kids, 2 full time jobs and no family support, it's a challenge)

3) If she could have an existence where were basically roomates, who watched our kids and had sex infrequently. She'd be okay with that for now.

4) She did say that No. 4 probably isn't healthy and said that she wanted those points of intimacy as well. She just pushes those needs aside for now.

5) She said what we have been doing hasn't been working.

6)She's also worried that if we divorced I'd freakout and try to harm myself and she'd have the guilt for the rest of her life.

7) She also mentioned at one point that I would basically take anything I could get in a marriage. I tried to shoot that idea down short of "walking"

My response to most of this was to listen.I didn't try any validation BS.I tried to convey to her that if the worst happened, it would not be the end of the world of me. I don't want to split up. I tried to tell her I need more out of a relationship and it's a bad example for our kids. (6 & 2)


So that's it. It's been like this for 7 months. no real growth. creating some anger in me that spills.

You have (to me) always kept DB concepts at a distance, like you know better, that these things won't work.

example:

I didn't try any validation BS

and to that:

example:

So that's it. It's been like this for 7 months. no real growth. creating some anger in me that spills

Let me know when your ready to try DBing, or hell try Denver's approach to it, which is similar to Starsky's or mine...pick and choose what works for you, but don't accept it when it isn't working.