Sorry I missed this-what did you do? What is his love language.
Maybe you should melt his barrel...
Traffic was so bad on the way home that I stopped and grabbed dinner for us at this greasy spoon we like. I was dead tired when I got home, so there was no barrel melting. LOL Hopefully soon though. I'm getting crotchedy (is that even a word? LOL) about the lack of ML. LOL
You know, I know what I "think" his love language is. We did the quiz during pre-marital counseling and something like it when we went to marriage counseling. His answers surprised me both times. Maybe I'll look the quiz up online today and see what I can figure out.
Tonight starts football season in our house - Dallas vs. Giants. H is a Cowboys fan. Football was a heated issue in our house. H would watch footbal (or ESPN) all day every day if he could. I didn't know this before he moved in, and didn't handle it well when he wanted to spend every Sunday and whatever weekday in the house watching football. He brought this up in counseling, and I did make an effort to start watching with him. He even said after BD that he knew I was making an effort to spend time with him doing something he liked, but he still wanted out. I actually kinda like watching it now, so I just do it because I want to.
Anyway, I'm thinking pizza & wings tonight. Maybe some dessert. He won't be expecting it, so that will be a nice surprise.
It's been a long, emotional evening in my household. It started out with me asking H questions about OW (I know! I know! But please keep reading)
Things I learned: -He apologize several times for hurting me. He's said it before, and this is the first time I actually believe him. Before, I felt like it was more to make him feel better about everything. -He hasn't seen her in months (His words were: I can't even remember the last time. HMMMM OK) -They still talk, but not sure how much. On Twitter, its initiated mostly by her, according to him. He says he can't control what she posts. He acts like he doesn't want to talk about her at all. Like he wishes she didn't exist. -He still feels very hurt from things I've done, although he acknowledged that things are better now (maybe justfying why leaving is still a good idea?) -He wishes he had been more vocal earlier on in our M. I agreed. -He still is planning on leaving, although he never came out and said it tonight. He still hasn't found another job yet, so I guess that's the hold up. -He thinks SS will be fine when we tell him. (His words: SS won't crumble when we tell him. I said (while giving him a incredulous look) maybe not, but it's not going to be an ordinary day either.) -Oh and he still loves me and wants to be my friend. SMH
There were lots of tears on both sides. A lot more from me as this conversation brought up some stuff I hadn't dealt with individually. Once I digest it all, I'll be back to discuss.
He held me while I cried, then offered to iron my work clothes. *shrug*
There's a lot of pain on his side that I think he needs to let out, but won't. He says he thinks about our sitch a lot and how he has hurt me. Not sure if that's good or bad. He says this isn't how he was raised and he's ashamed about what he's done.
I think he really feels we can't get over this. Plus, he says that's not the reason he's leaving. I told him if that's the case, it would have been better for him to pack a bag and just leave, rather than cheat.
So I have a decision to make: Do I stop DBing and give up on my M completely, or do I continue to DB, but step WAY back? My only thought about that is that he will see that as more of the same behavior from before: no talking, not listening, no affection, etc. I think I've been doing pretty good with DBing even though my efforts haven't delivered much progress on th M side of things.
I'm really feeling like there is no hope, so #1 is looking like the safest option for my heart right now.
