Time for an Introduction...and Thanks

[MrBond]

Sorry to hear that your H is still being a jerk. What have you been doing to GAL? You need to have some happiness in your life outside of the family.

[figure-it-out]

Hi Mr. B
Trying to find the time to GAL.

I was doing a new workout class up until a couple of weeks ago. I purchased it through a Groupon type thing. It was good for a month but too expensive to continue past that. I have a couple more I've purchased for other workouts. Need to get going.
My daughter should be in her own car within the next week or two. I know that will free up some time as she's agreed to help get her brother to and from some of his practices.

I'm trying to make some connections with other parents at my son's baseball practices. It's hard because it's a lot of dads that stay to watch practice. I feel kind of strange talking to them for some reason but am trying to work through that by asking them about the coaches, how long their son's have been on the team, etc.

[MrBond]

Keep that up. You need to continue to build yourself back up after he's spent so much time knocking you down.

[figure-it-out]

Mr. B,
Isn't that the truth!!
Definitely need to work on the self esteem.I've spent a lot of time comparing myself to whoever it is that he's now living with. I know my imagination is probably making his new situation much more interesting and fun than it probably is but even if it DID live up to my imagination who cares... his path, my path, separate planets right now.
Therapy appointment tonight. Really looking forward to it.

[Brian in Hville]

Hi there. Sorry I have never seen your posts before. I did well to hang on for so long.

It sounds like your H is wanting to be taken care of and have no responsibilities. He seems to have that with his OW, mother, and you. Maybe it's time for him to know that you aren't going to be there in any way other then a friend to get him to see what he is missing. It sounds like you have your head on straight and have a great attitude. Regardless what happens with your M, you are going to be ok.

Brian

[figure-it-out]

Thanks for the support Brian.
You're right, in fact H has said as much. He doesn't want the responsibility. Funny thing is, all throughout our marriage he didn't really have any. He could pretty much go to work, come home and that was it. Even THAT was too much responsibility???

I'm starting to feel that I don't even want to be a friend. Not the way he is now anyway. I've read so many times here "this is not the way a friend treats another friend" I'm starting to believe it. I've made too many excuses for his behavior these past 2 years and nothing is changing.

My attitude is a work in progress and can change on a dime but I'm working on it. I want to be an example for my children and as sad as it sounds right now I don't want my D thinking it's OK to be treated this way or my S thinking it's OK to treat someone he loves this way.

[Brian in Hville]

Thanks for the support Brian.
You're right, in fact H has said as much. He doesn't want the responsibility. Funny thing is, all throughout our marriage he didn't really have any. He could pretty much go to work, come home and that was it. Even THAT was too much responsibility???

And honestly, how attractive is that to you or any woman? I was like that in my marriage. Lord knows how thankful I am to have changed!

I'm starting to feel that I don't even want to be a friend. Not the way he is now anyway. I've read so many times here "this is not the way a friend treats another friend" I'm starting to believe it. I've made too many excuses for his behavior these past 2 years and nothing is changing.

It's when you start feeling that way when you realize that you are/were holding on to a dream of what the marriage was at it's best. I'm not saying you don't love him, you probably always will in some capacity. But you don't deserve the way he is treating you and your children. The way he is now, he doesn't deserve the goodness you show him.

My attitude is a work in progress and can change on a dime but I'm working on it. I want to be an example for my children and as sad as it sounds right now I don't want my D thinking it's OK to be treated this way or my S thinking it's OK to treat someone he loves this way.

I think you are doing a fantastic job with yourself and your kids. You are a VERY strong woman and can do anything you set your mind to. Your kids will see that and learn from you.

Brian

[zig]

Hi FIO - thought i'd stop by and say hello.

I think that you have been amazing to handle all of this so calmly for so long. I'm so sorry that your sitch has gone on for so long.

I'm pleased for you that you are trying to focus on yourself and your kids.

about what is going on in your sitch - unless you are really done, it may be wiser for you to just turn away from your h, rather than helping him or forcing him into doing things . let him decide when he responds to anything to do with the D, let him decide to take the next steps - you just focus and taking your own steps for yourself, and responding when and if you have to. in other words, just doing the bare minimum for the situation.

Focusing on getting your own full life, regardless of where he's at is the key for you - and will continue to be.

I'm glad you came back to the boards - and it would be great if you posted more frequently so we can support you. It's difficult and painful what you are going through, and this is the place where you will get the most support and validation - which you need right now. also you will feel less lonely being able to talk to others who are going through the same thing

glad to meet you FIO -and i hope you are going to have a lovely day today, in spite of...


zig

[figure-it-out]

Brian,
Thanks for stopping back by with kind words and support. They are much appreciated. I'm starting to believe more and more that I don't deserve to be treated this way. It's not like I thought I DID in the past it was just easier to make excuses for his lack of effort, etc. because we were together, and that's "just how he was"

Zig - Thank you for finding me! I agree. I had laid out to him several days ago the options my attorney told me were available in regards to our upcoming court date. I got no response from him so was just going to let it go. Remarkably HE contacted me yesterday with what he wanted to do and it was to have my A ask for more time. Seems I've spent so much TIME in this already but I'll take it. The hope for ultimately a better/new marriage in the future is worth it and at a minimum a better ME.
I do plan on posting more. The people here are awesome and so full of knowledge and understanding.

Journaling - I do need to just get this out there. H and I have had very limited communication the past few days. He had planned to take S to baseball practice on Wed and ended up not doing it. No explanation, just a "sorry if you're mad about today" text when I asked him when he might be available next week. I indicated I wasn't mad, just wanted to know when I could get some help with scheduling.
No communication at all after that. Yesterday afternoon out of the blue H sent a text saying "did you hear about the guy that got ran over by a truck this morning" my initial thought was is this a joke I should know the punchline to. The next was does H know he is texting me. I replied no and after a bit more back and forth H finally communicated that it was one of the truck drivers at his work who had been involved in the accident, that his boss had called him very early in the morning to let him know someone had been run over. I just responded with "That must have been scary when you didn't know the circumstances".
Just ODD. I just don't get the complete NC and then a message like this from out of nowhere.
He did end up asking me if I had talked to my A. I told him no as I had not heard from him what he wanted to do. He ended up saying if more time was needed then he was fine with that. Wondering if all the talk prior to this question was just a lead up. Little visit from crazyville yesterday.

[Brian in Hville]

Just checking on you...How are you today?