Time for an Introduction...and Thanks

[figure-it-out]

Journaling...struggling these past few weeks. For some reason the tears have seemed to be right "there" as of late. I know I need to do a better job of GAL. Between work, H being out of town for work the past couple of weeks, kids starting school, etc. I can barely find time to sleep!

I get so much help just reading what others are going through. When I sit down to write it seems just a jumble in my head. I love reading what others post and thinking "EXACTLY!!! That's exactly what I feel". I wish I were better at translating what's in my head to my posts.

Settlement negotiations went OK. I e-mailed my A what we came up with. H agreed to help get our S to and from baselball practice a few times a week and then promptly went out of town. Wants to sit down again with all of OUR bills to see what I need to "get by". He feels if he continues to contribute what he has been he will have no $$ to do "fun things" with the kids. Wish I had that luxury. We honestly can not afford this D (who can I guess) so EVERYONE is going to have to sacrifice.
H either has some separate source of income or is soley being supported by GF/OW (don't even know what to call her because he still won't cop to it).

Some days I wonder what would happen if I just threw up my hands and said I needed "out". What having no real responsibilities other than work would feel like. What he would do if I did/had. I never would of course. My children need me too much and I honestly love being their mom. Despite all of this they are growing into wonderful people. That's part of the "gift" in this I guess. We have gotten so much closer and I have become much more in tune to their emotions.

Just came here to vent today I guess. Thank you all again. I take from here much more than I give. Need to work harder on turning that around.