No you can't post direct links here. Just let us know what you searched for. I remember when I first read that it cleared up alot of things about my W as well.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Carnac - you are right. I just was wasting time and came across it. Learned alittle more about myself this afternoon and thought I would share. Its all good.
I had lunch with a friend of mind this afternoon, and she knows what is going on with X and I - but she didnt know that he was dating. She said he called last night to talk to her H about a tech question, and somehow GF came up in the conversation. Her H asked if GF had been married or kids - X said no, but she wanted a couple kids. Her H asked X if he wanted anymore - he said no. And hes told the GF that he didnt. X told her H that he said - I dont know - I guess Im being selfish right now. I dont want a serious relationship - Im just having fun.
That put a spring in my step even more today. Even though it doesnt really has anything to do with me, it made me smile because he doesnt want to get serious. (rebound flashing in neon right there Im saying)
I am in a good place today. I feel confident what I am doing by not contacting him IS the right thing to do. I really do feel strong today. YAY ME!!!
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
Why does it matter if he wants to get serious with her or not?
Originally Posted By: Mrs D
Carnac - you are right. I just was wasting time and came across it. Learned alittle more about myself this afternoon and thought I would share. Its all good.
I had lunch with a friend of mind this afternoon, and she knows what is going on with X and I - but she didnt know that he was dating. She said he called last night to talk to her H about a tech question, and somehow GF came up in the conversation. Her H asked if GF had been married or kids - X said no, but she wanted a couple kids. Her H asked X if he wanted anymore - he said no. And hes told the GF that he didnt. X told her H that he said - I dont know - I guess Im being selfish right now. I dont want a serious relationship - Im just having fun.
That put a spring in my step even more today. Even though it doesnt really has anything to do with me, it made me smile because he doesnt want to get serious. (rebound flashing in neon right there Im saying)
I am in a good place today. I feel confident what I am doing by not contacting him IS the right thing to do. I really do feel strong today. YAY ME!!!
Hey B - it shouldnt. But it does. Why - cause in the end - I would love to have something with him again. If they got serious - sure, it might not work. But then again - it might?
At least Im getting the honesty part of my 180s down....
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
First of all you do both these things for yourself. You don't NC someone. You NC because you need time on your own to figure things out without interference from S. NC might also help you detach. Detaching is defensive. It protects you form being hurt by his actions or words or even your own thoughts. When you are detached, you don't really get affected by what he does or says, it just bounces off of you because you decide not to take sorrow from him. It's a conscious choice.
That's the way I see it, Hope this helps.
Thanks Arsene - it does.
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
Therapy was good Carnac. I told him of everything that happened this week, and that I am done chasing. He says that hes glad that Ive finally come to that point, and we set a small timeline to see if I can make it through next week. I really think I am going to do it!
So then I go to Xs house. I go in because I have a check for him from a guy at work he did work for. He finally wrote a check for what he owes me. Then we leave. I dont even know how to act around him anymore. To be honest, I still feel the hurt I guess from the weekend. I dont know.
So anyway, C says to me Dad told me about Amber tonight? Whoa. I said what did you say? He said we were at sam's dads house and he asked my dad if Amber liked the ride Sunday. C turned to his dad and said who's Amber? X told him she was just a friend. Sam's dad's like.... oh..... sorry if I said something I shouldnt have. I tell C to get his jams out, go to bed and I was taking the garbage out and will be in to tuck you in.
I call X. So... C knows about Amber? He tells me the same story that C did, said it was out of his hands. I was so hurt and angry. I didnt let on... for some reason he told out son that she is to him what the EA (?) Was to me. Whoa again. I did not have anything physical with this person. Im like ... really? Then I thought maybe he really thinks this is the same thing that I had done to him, and maybe thats whats making him feel better .. but then... I shouldn't be thinking what hes thinking anyway...
I told him that at this point I didnt really care what he was doing with her. (Although it kills me) He said all I want is for you to be happy. Why cant you be happy for me? I said I was happy. He said I never made you happy. I said that he did, I was the one that was unhappy with herself. And that I am working through my issues. Then I said and that doesnt matter. Then I asked him to please, please please do not bring her around C. I said do whatever you need to with your life, but leave him out of it. He is already having a hard enough time through this all. He says, Trish. Give me more credit than that. He wont be around her for a very very very long time. I said thats all I can ask for and told him Id talk to him later and hung up.
This is not how my night was supposed to end. I was strong today. Now I feel like I took those four steps back at the expense of my son.
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
MrsD: Man doesn't it suck when the roller coaster changes direction so quickly? It seems like your appointment went well and then the phone calls come in and spin you the other direction.
Have you considered the 24 hour rule yet? Whenever you feel you need to call him wait 24 hours before you do so you can make sure you say what you want to? Obviously that can't be what you do if its something that must be adressed immediately but with something like what happened last night....why did you need to call him right away when you were still emotional?
I mean C was back with you by the time you found out right...and its not like he was going to be with him in the next 24 hours so obviously he wasn't going to bring her over and introduce him to her right away, so why not give yourself time to think things through?
I've had to make a point of doing it myself and its why I suggest it to you, I may come here and vent, or vent in my journal, but I wait a while until I get some feedback from others and most importantly until im not responding from an emotional place. Your response sounds just like a response I would make if I responded immediately....you were emotional, probably at least a little irrational, and somewhat demeaning. You didnt give him ANY credit for being a decent parent and just assumed that he would want to introduce her to C right away...he even told you as much when he said to 'give him more credit than that'.
Just a suggestion but if your like me and 'run on emotion' alot of the time then a real 180 that he and others will see will be for you to be much slower to 'pop off' and to spend more time formulating a rational response to things. I think response is the important part because and again im only going on what you've been telling so far but right now your reactionary, not responsive. That is what I am/was and am working incredibly hard not to be and the best way to change that is to give yourself some TIME to calm down before you respond.
