Broken - I am shocked to read the vehemency of your anger, after all this time in your sitch.
We are all angry,on some level, but we are all working towards NOT being consumed by it.
It is too easy to be consumed by this - and the power that you have given this woman - YOU have given it to her - she has not taken it from you. You have given her the power to make you feel the way you do.
I wanted to post to you and say that i was married once before and my ex walked away with another woman. I was so angry and so hurt and so betrayed - and I didn't even know it.
But do you know what happened? I carried that into my next relationship - and didn't even know it. During this last year after my BD, I have just now begun to see what the real effects of not forgiving and letting go really are. Staying with the negative emotions, actually GUARANTEES that your future relationships will not work.
You are so focused on how your w's relationship with OM is doomed to fail. Actually - the truth is that she may go on to have a successful r with him , and you will be the one who fails because of all the anger and resentment that you are still holding.
When you hold on to this - you are taking the easy way out - you are riding on the wave of anger, so that you don't have to face the real issues that you need to deal with in order to move forward in a positive way. You need to deal with your hurt, your pain, your agony - and anger is a GREAT way not to do that.
It's okay to be angry - but behind the anger is a lot of emotion that we feel helpless in the face of. it's too much to face - too painful - but when we do face it - we find that it makes us stronger.
In all of your post - I did not feel one tiny bit of compassion for anyone - including yourself.
You are human - and so is your wife - and everyone makes terrible mistakes. but if there is no forgiveness, everyone suffers including you.
This is the place to come and vent your anger, of course - but if you only come here to spew then you are not helping yourself at all and not taking advantage of what this board can truly teach you.
How do you see your life after this is all over as you mention? Do you think that once all the papers are signed and you get what you want and the D is through, that magically you will feel better?
Do you really think that if your w says sorry and atones in the way YOU think is the correct way, that magically all your pain and agony will simply disappear.
Sadly - you will still carry it - and it will eat you up for years and jade all the parts of your life that instead could be joyous and shining.
To truly take care of yourself - you have to be kind to yourself - and being kind to yourself is to work on and rid yourself of these incredibly heavy emotions that you are carrying within you.
Understand, that it is only your ego standing in the way of your healing - and that's the struggle for all of us. Our egos make us suffer, and in order to avoid the suffering we let our egos take over and parade around on our high horses angry as hell.
You're angry as hell - and it's time to do something about it - for your own sake. Use that enrgy you have to get to a positive place, rather than staying in this negative one which does you no good.
I think that you are so angry that you may not even be able to hear our words to you. I really hope that is not the case and that some of what people say to you here will strike a chord within you
Your real progress in life is dependent on YOU - not on what your wife is doing, and I hope that you can separate yourself enough from her, in order to move forward
I know you are in pain - as we all are - so know that our words come from a place where we know how scary and difficult it is to truly face ourselves. We are here to fully support you in your growth, be assured of that
How about some goal setting to help you get to where you are going? (hint hint)
It would surely help to turn your focus towards things that would be good for you, don't you think?
Hope to see you on the goals thread soon
take care zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
to help you get to where you are going? 
