So this morning, I brought her a cup of coffee as usual. Just a nice friendly thing to do. So she asks, "Why are you doing this?" I reply, "Just being nice." So then she sighs, and says the following, "I'm sorry. I'm in a bad mood. OM is being a deuche (sp?). The posted picture on FB means a lot to him (or something to that effect). Exs are exs for a reason."
That gave me a little hope. Then I receive the following email at work. This is where I need the input please.
When you have a minute, can we outline this weekend please? I want to know what’s going on with the kids and if I can make plans Saturday evening or not. I also want to talk about next weekend and how we get back on track with the weekend schedule. Heading into a meeting.
Thanks for making my coffee in the morning. I appreciate that you do those things for me. I just wish things could be different.
Othen than replying to the weekend details...what do I reply if anything about "wish things could be different." ???
So this morning, I brought her a cup of coffee as usual. Just a nice friendly thing to do. So she asks, "Why are you doing this?" I reply, "Just being nice." So then she sighs, and says the following, "I'm sorry. I'm in a bad mood. OM is being a deuche (sp?). The posted picture on FB means a lot to him (or something to that effect). Exs are exs for a reason."
That gave me a little hope. Then I receive the following email at work. This is where I need the input please.
When you have a minute, can we outline this weekend please? I want to know what’s going on with the kids and if I can make plans Saturday evening or not. I also want to talk about next weekend and how we get back on track with the weekend schedule. Heading into a meeting.
Thanks for making my coffee in the morning. I appreciate that you do those things for me. I just wish things could be different.
Othen than replying to the weekend details...what do I reply if anything about "wish things could be different." ???
Don't reply at all. Doesn't need one. Let her think about her own statement.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Thanks Den. I only replied regarding the weekend details. Taking the initiative to have my weekend.
So what are thoughts when she shares thoughts / feelings (eg OM being a Seychelles or what not, family dumping on her)... Turn to her and validate? A complaint of hers was we never talk / I can display calmness when hearing that stuff aka I accepted / moved on. Or do I say that's not my place anymore?
If you are in a place where you are having these conversations with her, then I'd suggest that you merely validate her feelings. Don't offer and opinion or try to fix anything. Simply, "Yeah, I can understand that that would be tough." or something like that.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Good. That's what I've been doing thus far. I might be starting to get a hang of this stuff. Just need some reassurance every now and then. Overall having a good PMA again today. Decent day at work, came home and went to a cub scout meeting with S7, watched a movie with the rest of the Fam, texted a few friends, worked out (even sang a little, and I'm far from a singing kind of a person), plus less than a pack of smokes. This is a day th remember when /if the next bad one comes along.
Today's email from the W: "So if I can comment on our less than stellar relationship (or lack there of?) It seemed that last week we spoke to each other and genuinely talked and this week I feel like you and I are completely separate entities within the house, you do your thing and I do mine. While I understand that the situation is weird it feels like we’re strangers and that’s going to take some getting used to. Would you want to plan an IKEA trip on Sunday to get bunk beds and an additional bed? One twin bed mattress and one full mattress would also be necessary, and not exactly cheap. The couch thing just isn’t going to work. I wanted to outline finances as well this week and we have yet to sit down and discuss those items. Let me know your thoughts on this." My intended reply will, be "Yes, I get that it's weird, and will take time getting used to. Maybe we can talk about finances tonight? That can may make shopping a little better." Anyone / everyone's thoughts / edits?
Let me get this straight afa. She is seeing OM, doesn't want to be married to you, or live like an actual married couple, but she is concerned that the situation is weird and that you don't have an actual relationship????
Ummmm... am I missing something here??
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Exactly!?!?!?! Is it that my 180's and GALing are working? Or what? My gut response is: "I'm giving you what you wanted." In re: to OM, i know they had a "tiff," but I'm sure they're still texting at least.
"So if I can comment on our less than stellar relationship (or lack there of?) It seemed that last week we spoke to each other and genuinely talked and this week I feel like you and I are completely separate entities within the house, you do your thing and I do mine. While I understand that the situation is weird it feels like we’re strangers and that’s going to take some getting used to. Would you want to plan an IKEA trip on Sunday to get bunk beds and an additional bed? One twin bed mattress and one full mattress would also be necessary, and not exactly cheap. The couch thing just isn’t going to work. I wanted to outline finances as well this week and we have yet to sit down and discuss those items. Let me know your thoughts on this."
My suggestion:
"The situation does not work for me. I've explained to you that I love you and that I want this M to work. But I refuse to live in a open M, W. So, as things are now, of course we are going to have separate lives. As long as you are seeing and/or talking to OM, and as long as you are not willing to work on this M, we need to live separate lives. An open M, and pretending that our R is stellar, does not work for ME."
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
