Thanks AnotherStander for your kind words and amazing advice. It has been well received. You are more insightful in this than I am!
I am sorry to hear that your wife is moving out. Hopefully that is just part of the healing process and it allows you to work things out. I would have a hard time with it though and my thoughts are with you. I too felt like I was going to have a mental breakdown and I almost went on meds too. I went from 174 to 165 pounds pretty quickly and was forcing myself to eat but the hard part was sleeping. I had nightmares every night and they all were about me failing my family. Don't have to be Freud to connect the dots there. I am down to a one or two bad nights a week now. But not eating and not sleeping was pushing me over the edge. Hang in there. I read that you were looking in to the retrouvaille. If you go please let me know how it works out. Wishing you the best.
I realized that I was taking a big step back and falling into my negativity and worrying to much about how my wife was behaving instead of focusing on myself and the changes I need to make. Those negative thoughts will sink the ship if they take over and I am back to working on myself. Hopefully for good this time. Just have to realize that both me and my wife will have good days and bad days. Just have to keep working towards that better future and it starts with me. One person if they change themselves can change things. That is really starting to sink in now.
You are right in that my wife's comments are more then baby steps or even leaps forward. What she has said is that she is willing to trust me again and does not want to get hurt. She is basically leaping off of a cliff and is trusting me to catch her. She is a great lady and I am amazingly fortunate to have this opportunity. More reason for me to follow Mr Bond's advice and redouble my efforts and focus on the changes I need to make, make them stick and be permanent.
It was great to see my wife open up. That was the person that I have loved. She showed how what a loving, forgiving and caring person she is. I relaxed on the trip and worked on getting back to being positive. She was great. She touched me a few times and smiled at me a few time. Small things. But so important. Nothing prettier in this world to me then my wife smiling. But I still have a lot of work to do. It is crazy how different men and women can be but I am getting better at seeing her side of things and understanding what is important to her. Just have to keep at working on myself and not get ahead of things and put any pressure on her. The hard part is dealing with my impatience but I have to give my wife the time and space she needs and when she is ready she will move things forward in a way that she is comfortable with.
