Dealing with Anger

[Arsene]

Thanks 25,

As usual you've been very helpful. Just for the record though, the post with the plan has been copied straight from Denver's post and the comments about the 3 months refers to his sitch (it's about the first time they were considering R). I have not yet planned to "close the gates" and frankly, it's the last thing I want to do right now but I like the way Denver refers to it an IF it ever came to that, it's the way I'd want to see myself do it.

With regards to being flexible, I intend to be but as you said, want to give this a chance an see if consistency in my action can have a long term effect on things. I'm not going to switch every other day no matter what my journaling says. In my day to day accounts, I'm just voicing my feelings and events as they occur and as I see/feel them so i can refer to it later. I don't think there is any self-pity left in there, just me voicing thoughts about the day and I see what you mean by saying that I should stop monitoring daily activities. I'll think about that some more.

With regards to GALing, I've followed your advice and on top of my daily meditation classes and 4-5 time a week laps at the pool I'm in the process of joining the Rotary Club, Toastmasters, a 4X4 club and motorcycle club. On top of this, I've taken on a lot of work already and I've got another interview tomorrow at a local university who might be interested in hiring me part time. I've also met a possible business partner for something which might end up being quite lucrative as well as time consuming. Of course, I'm also working on my music, preparing a repertoire with another guitarist and also for a solo act. So much so that I haven't met W in the last few days and probably won't until at least Friday. I drop off D8 at school and she picks her up and by the time I get home, she's gone and D8 is sleeping (landlady is in the house).

Of course, being only human I know I can't totally shed all expectations aside but I'm working on it and I'm trying not to see too much into what she is or is not doing. I realise that it's counter productive.

I know I haven't been at this for a long time. I have had DR for nearly 1 month now but from what I can tell, I ve been doing (a very bad) LRT for about 6 weeks. I know this and that is why I gave myself this 2 year timeline. It's so I avoid trying to push things and expect things every other day. It's so I can keep myself sane.

I also like this plan because it allows me to be loving towards her and this is something I have put extra effort on. After seeing how my anger was taking the best of me and the way it made me behave towards my W, I decided to make this my priority for the moment. As you said, the changes I'm working on are very deep and profound changes and I am aware that it will take a lot of time for me to reach my goal and be the man I want to be. I know that as much as I would love my W to come back, I'm not ready for a successful attempt at R right now.

Arsene, I'm gently reaching thru this computer line and

smacking you upside the head!!!....GEEZUS It's been 5 DAYS and you are not 1% of the way into your "Plan" and already the second guessing??

Okay give up...fine. See how much better you feel?? Oh, what's that? You don't feel better giving up?

Then buckle up and buckle in for a ride that lasts more than 3 minutes, and carry on my friend.

It's not even day 7.3...(which would be 1%)

How about inserting into "The Plan" a part that says

"REFUSE TO SECOND GUESS 'PLAN', BEFORE 3 MONTHS"...and then reassess and reassert that, every 90 days?

This made me laugh out loud. Thanks for this 25. I do act "as if" and put on a smile and occasionally laugh but it's not often these days that I get a full belly laugh going.

As I said, I'm just journaling my thoughts and events as they are, kind of stream of consciousness. Letting it out. Sharing my feelings with the fine people of this site. I am not considering dropping this plan.

I like what it does to me. It gives me a whole new perspective. Kind of like knowing that a park or garden won't look the way it should look for at least a few years from its planning. You still go around it and monitor, look at the way things are growing and adapting, weeding and watering where needed. Questioning whether or not these plants will blend well with these flowers, but always knowing it's still too early to get the final intended result.

I got a huge boost from Denver's post. At times I think that I'm not doing too well but W and I are still on talking terms and we are still polite and helpful to one another. I know this might get worse before it gets better but I also realise that no matter what, there are lots of possibilities but never any guarantees. None the less, Denver's post is very inspiring to me and I appreciate the time he (and you and other vets) spend out here with us newbies.

Yes I can see setting the boundary and all that. I get it!

But withdrawing yourself or your loving ways, isn't really an option that can ever sound good since you have a child together.

I agree. I hope I can manage to go through this whole thing with out having to pull the plug.

Thanks 25. I appreciate this.

I'll repost my questions below. I realise that there are no one correct answer but I'm looking for people's thoughts and opinions. In the end, I'll be the one who'll have to make the decision.