Dealing with Anger

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks Denver,

It helped. I think I'd do as you did if I were at that stage in my sitch. Where I am now, W is still done. She hasn't paused long enough to reconsider. If she did, I believe I would go that way, to make sure that she is serious and that I don't get hurt or taken advantage of.

For now, I still need to give her a taste of what she's walking out on. I'd like her to take a peek into my new life. Remember, I have been in limbo for a few months and the life I'm starting now (job, house, etc...) is all new. I'd want her to have a chance to notice for a bit.

Arsene, you have a lot of choices to make but you can change your mind or your path if something isn't working. Be flexible,

but make darn sure you give a path or new behavior a REAL chance- before getting impatient and deciding "it's not working!!!" merely b/c you don't see it quickly enough.

When you think about a two year plan, can you see how marking it by THE DAY, may not be to your advantage? May make it harder.

I recall telling myself not to stare at or monitor or even care what my said/did UNLESS it was really big, AND only if it lasted for a month.

Not that he had to say/do it every day, but he had to "be" it or follow whatever it was, for a month before I'd consider it as an actual action...hope I'm being clear.

IOW
I could NOT go by what he said OR DID, on a Tuesday, b/c it'd change by Thursday...and that included good and bad things. It was making me nuts.

I did Way too much mind reading but also too much believing in him when he was clearly conflicted, confused, inconsistent ---and that's when he was being honest!

I can pretty much guarantee YOU WILL feel it's taking her too long, b/c it sukks to be in your shoes now. Believe me, I know.

But take that time as the gift it is, to make your changes that much more solid. You are so new at this, in truth.

Your internal timeline is a sound one IF you can GAL enough, and it won't be pure limbo turmoil.

I created a pretty darn good (better) life along the way, that was mostly an improvement from what was going on before with my h.

Hard to explain but by GAL, (which we hammer here, for good reason)

the whole thing wasn't like a long TWO YEAR sentence in prison for me, so much as me evolving and growing into someone I liked more and more, over time... and making a life for myself NOT as half of a couple, but as a mother and woman with a lot going for me. An interested and interestING woman with a lot to give a man who is right for me. I think detaching and "going with the flow" can be the same thing, OR at least they can overlap, too.

I am a little wary of your timeline comments and all the detailed planning & contingencies you are contemplating at the moment,

b/c it reminds me of how fast you can start to expect, hope and then when the expectations are not met, feel anger...and backslide.

Be flexible. Keep your long term goal in mind, and see short term setbacks as just that; short term setbacks...

Be gentle with yourself and her and your d, in that regard.

And don't forget, the growth you will experience, (we hope!), will NOT be linear or constant or consistent...

And neither will your w's path...wherever it leads.




Thanks again for your time mate!