i wish i were there to give you a big hug and that we were all together IRL to hang out on the blanket tonight. to see you hurting is hard, it really makes me angry with your H (sorry, hope that doesn't make you feel worse...)
on days and weekends like that.. i try to remember that i was okay without W before i met her and so i will be okay without her now...
and that as Rilke says, no feeling is final...
and i fill my ears and eyes with pema, pure unadulterated pema who can calm me down in the midst of anything...
and i watch ab fab episodes...
and i read my cainer forceast just for a laugh
and i eat chocolate..
and i meditate and imagine myself floating...
and i cry until i am done crying...
and i read your words and brits and bustings and veras and cadets and bugs and on and on....
and i remember that i had the courage to keep my vows..that i am hurting now but will not regret later that i stood for what i believed in...
and i use positive self affirmations...
and i remember that the more time distances me from this day, the less it will hurt...
and i remember that it is MY choice when to give up... that MLC is a long, long road and I choose if/when to get off of it...
and i feel good that i almost fell off my bike last week when i saw a pretty lady run by bc it is a sign that i am healing and alive again...
AND dear sweet zig...you have every right to hurt about this weekend.. and anyone would hurt, but what is incredible about you....
is that you, in your strength and courage and wisdom are finding and will find a way to use every bit of that pain to GROW....
you are an amazing woman..you prove that here every day...
and only a FOOL...
((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
