reading your post actually brought tears to my eyes. i'm sure the rush of the new experience is also contributing to you feeling a little "not so great" but perhaps when you look back on it you really will see how much you've grown even if you felt like at times you were reverting to your "old" ways.
i think surrender can come both with tears and grief and also with serenity.
in one of the first chapters of pema's "when things fall apart" she talks about accepting hopelessness and reaching peace through doing that. i'm not sure if you have that book but it might be something for you to bookmark and return to occasionally, because it sounds like it might be helpful for you right now.
and how fabulous that your S seemed to have a great time. i think this will be a trip that he'll remember forever. how lovely that you were able to create that for him.
for now, get some rest, and we'll see you ready for work tomorrow
