Suppo: Im way behind but am gonna try to catch up some although my view is probably much the same as Denvers and I think he's given you great advice. To answer your question about the text...of course it was anger and lashing out, but it was also her wanting this done so that she doesn't have to feel badly about being with OM.
If this plays like most others do (at least mine did years ago when we went through our first seperation) then now you will get the pleasure of hearing how what she's doing isn't an affair because she is done with the marriage and you just can't get that through your head. That normally comes not long after the A is confirmed, especially if your already seperated when its discovered.
I guess the only difference Denver and I have is on the helping/not helping thing. Denver said he wouldnt help his wife but if she had filed he wouldnt have hindered her. (I think thats right, if not please correct me Denver) For me, I would personally drag my feet absolutely as long as I could b/c I personally feel if the D goes through its harder to reconcile. That is a completly personal opinion and im not even sure that im certain why i feel that way, but its how I feel. And im not sure where you live or what your state laws say.
I said a while back in my state there is no such thing as a no fault divorce so the filing spouse must state the grounds....now if the grounds are adultery or abuse thats one thing, but my wife can't file on either of those grounds, so then it comes to 'irreconcilable differences', or the newer version of that 'general indignities' and again this is only in my home state, but im told by more than one lawyer friend that its almost impossible to "prove" those grounds in court. So then it becomes a matter of having to be seperated for 18 months before the divorce will be granted. Again thats only one state and its only if I choose to fight the grounds, but there may be a similar way in your state to drag it out if thats your choice.
It may not be what I should do, and certainly there are some things that might change my mind when and if the time comes and my wife files, but at least for now i'd drag it out as long as possible b/c I think its possible that alot of whats going on right now could be hormonal problems or depression and I really believe that if she has to wait longer to get it done she'll see things differently, and if not then I really don't feel as though i've lost anything holding on that long because its not like im interested in dating or anything like that right now anyway....heck for that matter it would keep me from jumping into another relationship while the time ticked away and I had time to come to know and work on me more.
Might not be what you want to do, but if you wanna drag it out im betting there's a way in most states.
