Divorced #4

[Mrs D]

From what you wrote, it does sound like you're "done" with him. Especially when you mentioned here about increasing CS. But you see how even I was confused. Even I thought you were "done" completely.

Yeah thats what I thought.... how can I let him know then without being pursuing that I am really here? Did the earlier conversation maybe help that?

[MrBond]

I would suggest you write something down and give it to him. That way he won't misinterpret anything and it'll give you sometime to think out what the message is to be.

[Mrs D]

Carnac, I love your posts and you are right. I need to get back to that form of confidence. I need to be fun again. I need to be... me! I will go back and reread them. Thank you.

The conversation tonight seemed to me and please tell me if you think not, but when the conversation turned to more of him moving on, and such after the CS question - it seemed as if he got flustered maybe and turned the conversation to C. Like hes still feeling things out even after I sent the text last night? C was outside playing - he said hed call later. Still hasnt called. Doesnt mean anything I know. But maybe he is still thinking things through? Just words for thought ...

[Mrs D]

I would suggest you write something down and give it to him. That way he won't misinterpret anything and it'll give you sometime to think out what the message is to be.

Thanks Bond. One of my friends had suggested that at some point a long time ago....

[labug]

I leave it alone. If he wants to find you he knows where to look. He knows you're not done.

[Carnac]

MrsD: Im lost....why wouldnt you want him to know your done?

[Mrs D]

I leave it alone. If he wants to find you he knows where to look. He knows you're not done.

Ok. So no letter either. thanks labug!

[Mrs D]

MrsD: Im lost....why wouldnt you want him to know your done?

Ok.... Im lost. I want him to think Im done. Even though Im not?

[MrBond]

Carnac is following the idea that if he thinks you're "done" he'll come back to you out of fear because he won't want to lose you for good. Kind of how he's acting towards you now.

Problem is that he's got the OW to fall back on and you haven't gotten his trust back yet. I still feel there's something there but you're going to let it take it's time. Again, start by doing small little family things here and there and then expand them.

[mamabird]

My IC also told me today to track the small positives and see if they get more frequent. Have you set goals as MWD suggests in the book, and then set your sub goals so you can track the progress? I did this the other day and I found it to be a good exercise. (Not that I've gotten anywhere with it), but at the very beginning I had very simple goals such as "Have a 10 minute conversation without yelling."

We really are in such a similar sitch. I also kind of "left" my M when someone came along who I thought might be better. I certainly had left it in my head and it took me about a year to come back.