I'm crying a lot now. Everything seems so dreamlike and fake. Is this really going on? Is she really into a relationship with this guy now? Like I was nothing - not even there. Is it really over after 13 years, plus?
Me:42 W:43 M:03/08/98 SD17, D13 Found out about affair:12/16/10 Found out again: 06/22/12 Split: 06/22/12
I'm crying a lot now. Everything seems so dreamlike and fake. Is this really going on? Is she really into a relationship with this guy now? Like I was nothing - not even there. Is it really over after 13 years, plus?
Yep. That's oxytocin ( a love and binding hormone in the brain ) at work. What we have learned it is best not to leave one relationship and head straight in another, especially if it was cheating. Some of her emotional support is coming from you, and some of it is the abuse and neglect of you - while knowing you won't leave.
If you remove yourself, it changes the dynamics of her new relationship. According to statistics, relationships as a result of an affair typically do not last, they fail much more often than they succeed.
Still you see, when it's "love" you are not going to manipulate, pressure, scare her out of it.
You may as well let her go in your mind, and take care of yourself, things you have put off for a while. Your thoughts will drift to over analyzing her actions and words, but it is not productive. Your best chance for getting her back involve you NOT thinking like this. Go live your life, be happy within yourself.
You may not get your wife back, you have to accept this. You will feel really good about it soon, and it's also best not to keep talking about it. I wish I could magically transport a set of feelings and way to look at your situation for you. But I'm glad you can see, that yes she is "in love" with the new situation.
My one good friend went through a rough divorce and hasn't taken it too well. We talk often and he understands but he a little bitter about what happened to him.
Most of my other close friends can't relate or just pass it off like ... screw her, it's over. Move on. She's worthless. She's a this or that. Not really good stuff.
Me:42 W:43 M:03/08/98 SD17, D13 Found out about affair:12/16/10 Found out again: 06/22/12 Split: 06/22/12
My one good friend went through a rough divorce and hasn't taken it too well. We talk often and he understands but he a little bitter about what happened to him.
Most of my other close friends can't relate or just pass it off like ... screw her, it's over. Move on. She's worthless. She's a this or that. Not really good stuff.
They're trying to be supportive of you in the way that they know how. Understand that many of us here have seen many sitches including our own, and the DB coaches many many times more.
Then she asks if I can watch our daughter Friday night. Of course.
Then she asks why i'm not talking much. She asks if we can talk. I ask, "About?" She says whatever then goes on to ask about our financial situation and the separation/attorney. I explain what's going on as short and precise as I can. And then it ends.
Me:42 W:43 M:03/08/98 SD17, D13 Found out about affair:12/16/10 Found out again: 06/22/12 Split: 06/22/12
I love her and miss her bad. I really do ... but I want to see her as she is now and that's been so tough. She's so beautiful and warm and creative and lovely and caring. Or was.
I miss holding her close as we sleep. I miss just brushing by her as we walk past each other. I miss her meals - she is such a good cook. I miss her craziness when she has too much going on and needs help getting things in order. I even miss her messiness.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever wake up with her again. Then I see all the people who never get back together again and realize it may never be. And my heart aches.
Me:42 W:43 M:03/08/98 SD17, D13 Found out about affair:12/16/10 Found out again: 06/22/12 Split: 06/22/12
I made a big mistake. Went to pick up my daughter to come stay with me. I went in and she offered me something to eat. Now, I haven't had a home cooked meal in weeks. I've been eating prepackaged foods because it's easier and I'm alone and living in someone's house. Neither one of us cooks. So I was like, "Hell Yes!"
She cooks real good. Real southern. I was standing in the kitchen and it just felt comfortable. She was bouncing around making me a plate of fried chicken, cooked squash, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob. Both of us let the moment get the better of us. She got close, I pulled her closer, and we started kissing. Then we hugged and she started crying.
We stopped and began talking about how good it felt to be together for the moment and what we both missed about each other and me being at the house. I got my plate of food and sat down, then gobbled it up like I hadn't eaten in days. Man it was awesome. Almost as awesome as the kiss I just shared with my wife.
I assured her that everything was still moving forward with my plans for a legal separation. I told her that I was sorry for confusing the situation. Tears rolled down her face. My eyes welled up too.
Me:42 W:43 M:03/08/98 SD17, D13 Found out about affair:12/16/10 Found out again: 06/22/12 Split: 06/22/12
