I think chatter had a good suggestion of texting her back saying you are reviewing the papers.
Can you have a L at least look the papers over at an hourly rate to make sure everything's on the level? It may be best to at least have this done before you sign anything.
Even if you get back to her with revisions, this could still go through a few interations before anything gets filed.
What is more of a 180 for you? If you stall, will it be more of the same for you, i.e. the old suppo? If you get back to her with revisions, perhaps it will show some cooperation and take the focus off you as being the problem.
I totally understand wanting to go after the OM, but it's unlikely anything good would come out of it.
I agree with LITB and JB. I also agree with Chatter.
Another idea may be to tell her that you are trying to save the money to have an attorney review that paperwork. That you don't feel comfortable doing without a lawyer's input. This would buy you more time, hopefully put the paperwork on the backburner for a while longer, and also put your W on notice that you aren't going to just go along with her plan to D you.
Kinda thinking out loud, but I think that I would consider that ^^.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I also would like to chime in agreeing with LITB, JB, Chatter and Denver!
Tell her you're reviewing the papers and saving $ to consult with your L. But don't just tell her that without actually putting a plan in place to figure out how to pay the L... Although it will buy you some more time and keep the paperwork on the back-burner, it wouldn't be good if a month or two down the road you're no closer to consulting with you L than you are today.
I think chatter had a good suggestion of texting her back saying you are reviewing the papers.
Can you have a L at least look the papers over at an hourly rate to make sure everything's on the level? It may be best to at least have this done before you sign anything.
Even if you get back to her with revisions, this could still go through a few interations before anything gets filed.
What is more of a 180 for you? If you stall, will it be more of the same for you, i.e. the old suppo? If you get back to her with revisions, perhaps it will show some cooperation and take the focus off you as being the problem.
I totally understand wanting to go after the OM, but it's unlikely anything good would come out of it.
Yes I could probably have L look over paperwork...It is in pretty laymen terms & I can decipher, so not too hard...I am very smart guy, which she always found attractive too...LoL
I agree on a few revisions part...I think that is why she wanted to kind of go through the semi-mediation process & keep it out of the courts...Not too mention the cost savings on both of us!
In the past I was pretty resilient & would set my mind to something and follow through! Never really been a procrastinator with anything (other than a few fixer uppers around house). Stalling has never been my style & she knows this (although when she first gave them to me, she said that she knows where I stand & said that I would most likely take my time before getting back to her). In my defense I have been traveling & quite busy, so it hasn't been first priority. So I guess you could say stalling would be a 180.
I also agree with just giving her the initial revision to take back & have redrafted, then looking over them again to see how much was changed & agreed upon...Then revising again etc. She knows that I am a fighter (not vindictively) & truly knows that I wouldn't agree to everything. It would definitely show cooperation, but Denver said awhile back that it would also state that I am giving in & giving up on the M...So I am slightly confused???
I agree with LITB and JB. I also agree with Chatter.
Another idea may be to tell her that you are trying to save the money to have an attorney review that paperwork. That you don't feel comfortable doing without a lawyer's input. This would buy you more time, hopefully put the paperwork on the backburner for a while longer, and also put your W on notice that you aren't going to just go along with her plan to D you.
Kinda thinking out loud, but I think that I would consider that ^^.
Not so sure about telling her I want an attorney to review...I would have to think about that one...But I do think you are right & that it would send the statement of not going along with her plan.
Although she knows where I stand on our M, and she knows that I don't want this...I just don't repeat it anymore to her. I still wear my ring & never stopped, not that she notices, but I am sure they both noticed Saturday at the store.
I'm kind of in a hard place financially to come up with this, unless I stop paying the kids private school tuition...And I will by no means take that away from them. They love their school, teachers, & friends. Not to mention they do great academically there. Oh yeah, plus she works there now...Which I think is great, because she has always been a great teacher (which people always praised her for).
Take them to your lawyer to go over the original drafts and your revisions.
I would text her back.
Reviewing papers. Will get back to you when done.
Does her text really require a response???
I think she texted that after her heated lashing. I told her 2 weeks ago before I left (per Starsky) that I would review them thoroughly when I got back & had time, then we could discuss then.
I really don't know which way is up or down right now & will most likely give her the revisions I made to take back, then see what comes back to me to revise again. She stated that she knows I would make changes, but of course she is now angrier than ever.
So believe nothing of what they say & half of what they do!
UGH!!!!
Somebody stick my head in a toilet & flush it multiple times!
Unless you have been served a legal document with a do this or suffer this... signed JUDGE
You can take your time. You do not have to follow her timeline. It is your divorce that you are working on. So get the t's crossed and the i's dotted by someone who knows the in's and out's of your states divorce laws.
If that takes an extra month to get the funds to go over it so be it.
Tell her they are being reviewed. And you will get back to her when it is done.
If she presses state that yes you are seeking legal council to make sure that you both are getting as fair a shake as possible as there are 4 of you that are affected by this piece of paper.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Denver said awhile back that it would also state that I am giving in & giving up on the M...So I am slightly confused???
I didn't quite say that suppo. I believe that I said that you should try and buy yourself as much time as possible. I think that I also posted the statement that I made to my W when she brought up the D word. I decided very early on that I would not help the process. That didn't mean that I wouldn't cooperate if she had filed and had me served, but I wasn't going to file jointly. I was going to go down fighting. That was my decision. And yes, I made that decision knowing that it would p!ss my W off, which it did. She accused me of continuing to try and control her by not helping. My response was that I could not control her decision, and that I could not stop her if she filed. But, again, I was not going to help.
IMO, you need to do what is right for YOU. Damn your W's reaction to it. There is no way around the fact that she is going to have angry reactions to some of your efforts. The hope is that, someday, she will see that everything that you are doing now was done in the fight for her and your M. If not, that probably means that you did not reconcile... and what will it matter?
Do what you determine is right for you... what you feel in your heart is the right thing.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
