It's not needy afa. That's what this board is for. That's why we are all here. Very painful time of our lives. You are no different than anyone else here. Don't feel badly about asking for information or resources.
Bond and and others can help you find the resources that you are looking for better than I can. However, I'd suggest going over to the MLC forum and reading about it there. I haven't seen anything in your thread that indicates that your W is MLC. It seems that she is a typical WAW. But sometimes those lines can cross I think.
You also might looking into reading some books on co-dependency. "Co-Dependent No More" is the name of one book I believe.
Can others help afa with some good resources?
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
While we can't mention specifics here, look up the writings of Jim Conway and his late wife Sally Conway. There's also Al Turtle, Joe Beam and others. I'd also look up reading about living with a depressed spouse.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
How much of a difference is there in technique in regards to handling MLC vs. WAS? I know to focus primarily on myself for myself as the essential, but now I'm fearful of interacting with her in the wrong way. Thoughts? On a side note, I've had a pretty upbeat PMA TODAY.
I don't think you fully understand what a WAS and MLC are. The WAS is basically because there were unmet needs from the M. MLC is a life transition and is a re-evaluation of past choices.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
How much of a difference is there in technique in regards to handling MLC vs. WAS? I know to focus primarily on myself for myself as the essential, but now I'm fearful of interacting with her in the wrong way. Thoughts? On a side note, I've had a pretty upbeat PMA TODAY.
Happy to hear that you've had a PMA today!
I can't speak to the MLC stuff too much. That's why I suggest that you go over to the MLC forum and chat with folks over there. Maybe you can get Jackthreebeans to give you his 2 cents.
From what I know, it seems that you deal with the MLC'er with a more gentle (soft) approach than you do with the WAW. The MLC approach requires even MORE patience and usually MORE time than the WAW approach.
While I dealt with my W as a pure WAW, I do think that there were some elements of MLC too.
As with anything here, you have to devise a strategy based upon your unique situation, using DB as a general framework.
The number 1 rule of DB is ... DO WHAT WORKS!
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Any idea how I can actually get Jack3Beans help? I tried to PM him, but I think it's disabled.
Also, I was reading Suppo's thread, and noticed how your comment of how your W's OM was an escape. That's exactly what my W said to me the other night when she initiated a talk. So maybe she us SAW with some Dep features. I'll read up some more later on.
I personally do suggest you read from the other professionals I mentioned. While JTB is great, the others are are professionals who studied this behavior with multiple groups. Just my .02.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Go to the MLC forum. They have a long list of threads that will keep you pretty busy. It helps a lot. Let me know it wasn't all me, he didn't do this to hurt me, I am not a victim nor is he, OW is just part of his disease (this is so hard to see), patience is essential if you want to stick around...
Many other things to learn but most importantly... Let go of the rope! Detach! I'm still working at this and it's been over a year for me!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Oops, I missed one of your comments MrB, where you provided an overview of WAS and MLC. I was thinking my W was a MLC because she thrives on chaos, and this June was the first calm month (she's a teacher); and she had said that she questioned all of our choices (eg houses, children, getting married to me at a young age), so that's what prompted me to go in the MLC direction. However based on her recent disclosure of often looking for an "escape" maybe she is more the WAS type. Heck I don't know. I'll definitely look up those authors and see if they can shed any light. Thanks again and feel free to add input as you see fit. Side note: I'm down from more than a pack and a half of cogs to just under a pack for today. That's a positive for me.
Lol 