From the things you posted, I was thinking that your W was trying to SLOWLY reconnect....to dip her toes in the waters...
Ya backslid, bro (and we all do/did it), and now you have to recover, and re-trace some steps. Maybe go back over some of TG's posts and give some thought and test some new things out within you.
You hunt and fish, you know how to wait, be still, make no sudden moves. It's not that different here once you detach/remove the emotional enmeshment.
If I remember your original sitch correctly, you weren't a very happy camper after moving to your current location for W's job, and you probably leaned on her a lot for your needs (social, human, etc)(oh, and I did that too, leaned on W for all my non-work needs). Maybe that was too much for W with new job, being a Mom, etc. I read someone's sitch on here where she just wanted a break from the marriage to re-gather herself, find herself.
So here W is in new town, new job, PW leaning on her, creating added pressure and she needs to get a break and, figure out what she wants, who she is...she is away from hometown and family, so has a chance to explore herself without too much oversight (you said she was the "good girl" sorta person? And now she drinks wine and black fingernails? Did she live much on her own before you guys got married? Or did she pretty much go from parents to married? See where I am going? And, of course, I could be totally wrong...you know best.
The good thing is, as rH wrote, she could tell you how she feels, and also that she still had you over for dinner...that is good, all is not lost most likely.
She did tell you what she is looking for...a man who is self-reliant, confident and adaptable. You are getting there, but need to dig deeper, give it more time to solidify within you.
If the women over on my thread are correct and things like hugging with head on chest meant that she was beginning to trust you...so what you had been doing was working...but like a feral cat, your last sudden move skittered her away a bit and you have to re-build that trust again. But what you did once, you know how to do again, right?
What kind of man/person are you going to be?
You can do this.
(okay, lecture over....)
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
