You're right it's not good for my health, I know and yet I cannot seem to do anything other than stay here in misery. I'm scared to leave in case it's the wrong decision and I'm scared to stay because I just hate how I feel every day. I still feel so raw from all this - I'm not sure that's normal after 13 months? to still feel absolute heart breaking pain every day. I feel like I love him and want to be with him but I just cannot bring myself to be "normal". I've tried acting as if and I just feel empty and angry again when I do that and I think I've been this way so long now that he isn't actually really that bothered if we break up anyway - so that leaves me feeling insecure, on top of already feeling insecure from what he's done and it is just the biggest hole and the biggest mess and I can't get out and I just despair. I just want someone to beam me up so I don't have to think about any of this anymore and feel no pain.
If you have Michele's DR book, read the chapter on infidelity. It talks about forgiveness, and it sounds like you have not forgiven your husband. The chapter also describes how forgiving does not mean forgetting. The issue shouldn't be forgotten because there are lessons to be learned from it. But you really need to forgive him for YOUR benefit, to relieve your own suffering. Your relationship cannot be rebuilt until you forgive, and if you keep going the way you are then it's eventually going to push your H out the door. Good luck!
