Just don't know how he could live like this if he is. I sure as hell couldn't look him in the eye or look at my kids if I was doing this.
OMG. That so brings back memories. Mine was like that too. I remember just wanting it to stop. Enough to almost take the blame for things she accused me of. When that didn't work the way she wanted she re-remembered our history. Be careful here. My suggestion is to do what you are doing. And if he starts to re-remember your history together to calmly challenge it. Don't give in to the crazy and agree with him to make it stop. It's tempting at times.
Quote:
They tend to compartmentalize things. You and the children are in one section of his brain, his mlcing fantasies are in another part, as well as his work is in another.
They tend to try to tune out their inner voice when they are doing things that they know are wrong. That's why they end up with being sick quite a bit and/or lashing out at us over stupid stuff.
I smiled at that one. I remember mine actually humming a song to prevent thinking about other things. I found it odd at the time, but looking back, this whole sentence is so true. It's what they do to try and cope, or so it seems. They don't yet have the tools to deal with things, so they do what they can.
You have a great perspective and you're doing great with your son. Keep it up keep an eye on your son. He'll need your help more than anyone else...
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks for your help all. Husband now not picking as much but rude. We were at my dad's cottage and a friend of my H was walking by with his wife. H chatted with him and didn't introduce me, I and my dad and kids were right there. The friend cut the conversation short because his wife had to get down to their boat, so my husband used that as an excuse for no introductions. This happened last year. Same guy and my husband talked awhile and didn't introduce me. I told him then that he was rude. My plan next time is to introduce myself. Then H invited himself down to see the guys boat before he left and I said well how bout if I come? He said ok then a few min later started to leave and when I said I thought we were both going he said he was only going for a few minutes so it was evident to me that he did not want me to go. Then he said well if you are going we have to go now. I told him to forget it, it was obvious he wanted to go alone then he got a little exasperated and left.
Also since he is being cool to me as far as affection I have backed off. H says he wants to work on marriage and talks to me at night out in the backyard for awhile just about every night, we go out to dinner every week and we have gone to my dad's cottage. Should I just be patient with that for now? I don't feel loved. It's more like we are roommates. I know he is still getting over the affair and I hope he is not talking to Ow. Not sure. So what do I do? I try to be upbeat and instead of carrying a grudge when he is rude and I try to set boundaries. I try to get past things even though I get no apology. How long do I remain patient? I'm 55. I hope this doesn't go on for years.
I don't feel loved. It's more like we are roommates. I know he is still getting over the affair ...I get no apology...rude.
This is, unfortunately, part of the mlc while H works through whatever it is he is working through. I felt the same way. It will pass, like all things...how long to wait? That is totally up to you. In my case, I am seeing enough effort and some progress with W working through her issues, so I can keep going after a year of "hardcore" mlc (3-4 if include phase 1 mlc "lite")...but that is MY choice.
We always have a choice...to be fair, 10 months ago I couldn't see lasting this long, but I have. You will be amazed at the strength and patience you have deep within if you choose to access it. But you don't have to, and there is nothing wrong with that either...
Hope this helps a wee bit.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
thanks t Well, I'm gonna hang in there. AArgh!! Tis hard! But I do love him so I'll keep getting counseling and pray for guidance as well. As others have said "this ain't for wimps!" Takes a great deal of strength to keep getting knocked around and doing more work than them. Hope he will come to his senses.
