No contact with W today other than her texting me to ask what my schedule was tomorrow evening as she is singing in the evening. She was polite (she always is), saying good morning and asking how I was. I replied in the same manner and gave her a breakdown of my schedule (just the times, not the activities) for the week so she knows when I would need her to take care of D8 or see how we can manage our schedules.
Her reply covered all of my schedule and she said that we would play it by ear in case she got a gig out of the blue. Again very polite and closing by telling me to take care and have a nice day.
I texted again saying that the sooner we can find a live-in maid, the sooner D8 and I can move in the house and that would take care of these problems. I asked if we could try to arrange moving day for this Friday.
She didn't reply.
I have been feeling a bit down as well and meditation didn't help today. I guess I'm wondering if it is possible that my belief in her is misguided. I know that there is nothing else for me to do but to follow this plan of action but I wonder if she will ever reconsider. What if she feels like she has done too much harm, or has gone too far to come back.
Right now, it feels like we are friends (not best friends, just friends) and I wonder if this is good for us. I know that both Denver and Jack3B have told me that before reconnecting emotionally, friendship was necessary but I also know that many have said that friendship is a dead end street that will keep you just there, in the street.
I keep telling myself that the life she is choosing to live now is nothing like what we had. She had security, comfort, love, regular holidays, freedom to work when she wanted, time to work on her music, time to spend with her D8. I wonder how she can measure what she had with what she has now. What if I'm wrong? I don't think I was ever as bad as she portrayed me but, to her, maybe I was. Maybe this life she has now is way better than what she had with me, in her mind.
And what am I gonna do about this? Stick to the plan!!! It's the only thing to do.
I'm still fishing for more comments on my Questions (post #2277061 - 09/01/12 10:58 PM ) if anyone has a bit of time. Thanks!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
