MrsD: Im 3 months into my seperation and while it seems like an eternity to me, its really such a small amount of time for changes to take place.
I know how hard your working, and I've followed you from the start and really see alot of signs that you can turn your ex's heart back to you someday IF you can figure out how to stay out of your own way. Im gonna be honest because I want to see you succeed...but really you've NEVER done NC at all. The most you've ever gone NC is about 4 days. And then not only do you break contact you pursue.
You try to justify your pursuit as things you would have done before and wanting him to see your changes but thats just the thing that is driving him further and further away....and when you drive him away you push him straight toward her. Last week you justified dropping off bagels as 'maybe you were just bringing them to the other guys he works with'....so tell me, how may times have you ever brought bagels to those guys when he wasn't around? You drop hint after hint that you want him....the concert...the kisses on the cheek, etc...i really hate saying this because I don't wanna be part of hurting anyone, but its for your own good.........HE KNOWS HE CAN HAVE YOU ANYTIME HE WANTS YOU AND THATS EXACTLY WHY HE DOESNT WANT YOU.
Im probably going to get myself in trouble here, but ask 90% of the guys in the world whats sexier a woman walking in the room in lingerie or a woman walking in the room in nothing.....the answer for most men is the woman in lingerie because there's some mystery there. Its like going to dinner with your wife and finding out she's not wearing anything under her skirt....its sexy...but if she comes home from work and you find out she didnt wear anything under her skirt its not sexy at all its worrisome. I dont know if those analogies make any sense, but the point is your not making him pursue at all because your standing there offering yourself to him for nothing in return and by doing that your certainly setting yourself up to be hurt and hurt badly.
And finally you always TELL him how much you've changed....but that simply doesn't work. You have to SHOW him how you've changed through actions and yes it is going to take time for him to notice, but at some point he will notice.
Everyone makes mistakes, some more some less....but I know how badly you want this and i've seen a few signs that tell me you might be able to get what you want if you could simply figure out how to get out of your own way. Give NC enough time to work....let him go and see what happens....worse case is he doesn't come back...but really he's not there now right? So you have nothing to lose by trying.
I know it hurts and im praying for you but its only going to get worse im afraid if you keep doing what you've been doing. If something is working we keep doing it.....if something is not working (and clearly what you've been doing isn't working right?) then we change.
