Dang I tried to GAL this weekend and it simply didnt work out too well for me. I did have a good time Friday night when I took my son and 3 of his friends to a movie so at least I had one good day. The rest of the weekend I simply dwelled way to much on my sitch and I know better. Im thinking about her and she's thinking about her so no one is thinking of me.
Then I woke up this morning trying to start a new week and have a better attitude and all I can seem to think about is whether or not she wore her wedding ring to work today. I absolutely hate the thought that she might not be wearing it anymore since she finally took it off......and I actually hate that I think/worry about that. How does that matter to me at all? Im a better person than I was 11 weeks ago, im happier, healthier and I smile and laugh with my friends more.
I love my wife, and I believe in marriage and forgiveness, but im also starting to understand that at least part of what is bothering me is my own insecurities about being alone. My wife is gorgeous.....in my football parlance lets say that when i married her i outkicked my coverage. Im the guy that walks in the room with the girl and everyone goes how the heck did that happen. And not only is she gorgeous shes absolutely an incredible person....she's not really showing that right now with her actions, but at least until now in our marriage she has always been someone that i was so proud to say was my wife because of her character.
So now im faced with two realities: #1 I may not ever have her again and must move on. #2 I'll be alone for the first time in 15 years and it scares the crap out of me. Since I was 15 i've been in a relationship almost continually and quite honestly I suck at being alone. Im a social person and need that daily interaction, I need to care about someone and have someone care about me. Crap I just said need and somehow gotta get over that...but want is surely true. And then my insecurities creep in and tell me that I won't be able to find anyone that would want me.....and if I do i'll have to settle because no one with her qualities would be interested.
Guess I finally put it out there, lets see if I can get past it now.
Well you know those insecurities are a bunch of hogwash. When you get more comfortable with yourself, you will realize that you did it before, and you will do it again, even better.
I'm not sure it's a prerequisite that you need to know how to be a stellar single and be great to be alone to be a great relationship partner, but you always hear that.
What I am going to say, is since you are going to be alone for a while, to get used to it and learn to be good at it. Take good care of yourself, and your time alone will provide you a place for reflection and enough peace to be totally aware of yourself and any interactions. Learn to be alone without being lonely.
