I'm crying a lot now. Everything seems so dreamlike and fake. Is this really going on? Is she really into a relationship with this guy now? Like I was nothing - not even there. Is it really over after 13 years, plus?
Yep. That's oxytocin ( a love and binding hormone in the brain ) at work. What we have learned it is best not to leave one relationship and head straight in another, especially if it was cheating. Some of her emotional support is coming from you, and some of it is the abuse and neglect of you - while knowing you won't leave.
If you remove yourself, it changes the dynamics of her new relationship. According to statistics, relationships as a result of an affair typically do not last, they fail much more often than they succeed.
Still you see, when it's "love" you are not going to manipulate, pressure, scare her out of it.
You may as well let her go in your mind, and take care of yourself, things you have put off for a while. Your thoughts will drift to over analyzing her actions and words, but it is not productive. Your best chance for getting her back involve you NOT thinking like this. Go live your life, be happy within yourself.
You may not get your wife back, you have to accept this. You will feel really good about it soon, and it's also best not to keep talking about it. I wish I could magically transport a set of feelings and way to look at your situation for you. But I'm glad you can see, that yes she is "in love" with the new situation.
