I've been thinking about what happened to you and although I'm glad that you managed to be who you wanted to be for that moment, I don't know that it's who I want/can be for that moment if/when it occurs. In fact, I asked the following question in my thread to get ready for this kind of situation which is a huge possibility in the upcoming months becaue I'm starting to move into the music scene here and W and OM are both musicians (he's a drummer).
4. OM is not on my mind at all. I have been able to totally forget about him (or at least chase any thought of him that comes to mind). As I am starting to find my way through the music scene in this city, it seems very likely I would bump into him, either with or without W (as just happened with Suppo). How should I behave when/if I do? Does this change if he's with W? Does this change if I'm with D8?
I wouldn't mind hearing your thoughts on this (and the other questions on my thread for that matter) because I need different perspectives right now.
Thanks mate!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
You know that this is who your wife is. This is part of her. You need to realize that when things are not a 100% rosy world for her she will have inappropriate relations with another man. Her thoughts will turn to selfishness. And she will act upon them. At the expense of her family.
This is the woman you married.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Suppo, We have many similarities with our sichs. Based on your last question as far as how to act when / if you run into the OM, I would suggest the "Act As If" in the sense of taking the high road and not showing anything but happiness. I realize its easier said than done, yet it would send several positive messages about you being the better man / more attractive.
Now at least you have the information....what will you do with it? You said you forgive, you said you will love her, and im certainly not trying to talk you out of that, but is that really how you feel? I hope it is.
Thanks Carnac!
Yes, believe it or not this is truly how I feel (I do Forgive her & it lifts a huge wait off my shoulders). I know that you can never push someone into having an A, but I do realize that something was lacking in our M for the last 2 or 3 years that would allow something like this to happen. In DR it is laid out plain & simple on the different reasons why spouses stray, and I can definitely relate to why she may have gone down that route, based on what was missing etc. at the home front from me. It [censored], but I can understand! Trust me, I in no way condone what she is doing & yes it does hurt. But most likely if I had been the Husband/Man that I needed to be during my dark era, then this probably wouldn't have happened. This does not by no means make her an Evil person, it makes her human! We all make mistakes & some mistakes are "Bigger" than other.
I could sit here & speculate forever on why/how/what/when/where. But in actuality, it is what it is. Now is time to continue on with my plan of becoming the better option, bettering myself, & being the best Damn Father that my wonderful kids could ever ask for.
Suppo: Im very glad you can answer that way. I feel the same way although I dont know if anything like that is going on with mine, and like you were before, I dont wanna find out right now. What I do know is that she told some people at our church some things that simply weren't true about why she hasn't been there as it relates to me, and im also starting to believe that it may be true that she's going to file in another few weeks when my election is over.
But as much as it is upsetting me, the truth is at least today my plan is to love her through it. It may be a pretty nasty fight, especially when she finds out it will be another 15 months before she can get a divorce if I fight it, and thats going to cause her to do and say some nasty things im sure, but I intend to love her anyway. I've got an email written out to her that she may or may not ever see....depends on whether or not she files, if she does then i'll send it and if she doesn't I won't but the gist of it is that I love her, I intend to stand for our marriage, but I will not allow any more lies period. She can be honest with me, with our boys and with others or I will be its her choice.
Glad to see your handling things.....your in my prayers, as are your kids. Be strong for them and be the incredible example of how Christians deal with adversity and in the long run you'll come out on top no matter what.
Sometimes i feel like a bit of a pathetic fool for feeling this way about my W but when I read here the amount of fine people who fight the good fight and continue to believe in their S no matter what; when I hear of all the love which is freely given yet not reciprocated, I tell myself that no, I am not pathetic. Those who walk away too easily, those who give up on what they once said was the love of their life, thinking they can just move on with no pain, those are the ones I feel sorry for because as much as my love for my W hurts me right now (as I'm sure yours does), I am confident that it will turn out for the best in the end.
Don't give up the fight mate!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Sometimes i feel like a bit of a pathetic fool for feeling this way about my W but when I read here the amount of fine people who fight the good fight and continue to believe in their S no matter what; when I hear of all the love which is freely given yet not reciprocated, I tell myself that no, I am not pathetic. Those who walk away too easily, those who give up on what they once said was the love of their life, thinking they can just move on with no pain, those are the ones I feel sorry for because as much as my love for my W hurts me right now (as I'm sure yours does), I am confident that it will turn out for the best in the end.
Don't give up the fight mate!
I will try to not give the fight up! I have to tell you, the cheerleader got knocked out of me this weekend. Saturday obviously was crappy, but last night was horrible to. I know I need to keep fighting & I know that I have to have patience & I know that things take time. But I am in a really bad place right now that I haven't been in for awhile. Not trying to sound pathetic, but it feels like I am back at stage one by the way I am feeling.
suppo: I feel you but we've got to keep moving forward. What else is there to do if not move forward? Stay here where it [censored]? I agree that this weekend has been tough, sounds like its been that way for alot of us here, maybe its the full moon, maybe its the start of another month that triggers it, who freaking knows, but the point is it hurts too much to stay here doesn't it?
I had the first truly sleepless night that i've had in a good while last night...I tossed and turned, checked the clock every hour wondering if it iwas time to get up yet, and then this morning didnt even bother to go running b/c I just didnt have it in me. But I know that doing those things will only feed the problem so i've vowed to lift this evening when I get off work and to smile through it today even if I have to fake it for a day or two im gonna keep smiling.
Your took a few shots this weekend...big one's but your a good man so pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start moving forward again.
Once the A with your W was uncovered how was her reaction toward you & kids???
How did you get through & process the thought???
Kids and I have had a miserable weekend, with last night ending in a huge lashing out at all of us, when she dropped off the kids stuff. Lots of blame, anger, hate words, demeaning comments to kids & straight out hatred stuff that I did when I wasn't at my best a few years ago to the kids in front of me.
I Love her so much & want nothing more for her to come back & us work through this. I know that this will take time (via how long Denver & Starsky spent DBing), especially now that OM is definitely in the picture. But I think my PMA was just shot down over the ocean.
suppo: I feel you but we've got to keep moving forward. What else is there to do if not move forward? Stay here where it [censored]? I agree that this weekend has been tough, sounds like its been that way for alot of us here, maybe its the full moon, maybe its the start of another month that triggers it, who freaking knows, but the point is it hurts too much to stay here doesn't it?
I had the first truly sleepless night that i've had in a good while last night...I tossed and turned, checked the clock every hour wondering if it iwas time to get up yet, and then this morning didnt even bother to go running b/c I just didnt have it in me. But I know that doing those things will only feed the problem so i've vowed to lift this evening when I get off work and to smile through it today even if I have to fake it for a day or two im gonna keep smiling.
Your took a few shots this weekend...big one's but your a good man so pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start moving forward again.
Thank you so much Carnac! I to have not slept at all the last 3 days for the first time in a long time & am back to not eating much for the last 2. I haven't run either, since this has happened & I usually only miss a day in-between for recovery sake only.
It is kind of weird how things happen & when they do. It also weird that every one of us in the Freshman class had a really bad weekend. I also thought of the full moon. I will try and fake it as much as possible & know that I have to remain strong for my children, who are most likely hurting more than me!
