FWIW I do think your h is in MLC. They function on one level but nothing they do makes sense to anyone except themselves, and that only at the time they are doing it. Very occasionally my xh had admitted to people he has no idea why he did many of the things he has done over the past 7 years
Although they don't know what they want, they are very sure they don't want to be with us. it is as if we are the wrong magnetic pole, if you see what I mean. We repulse them on some very deep level - not that we are repulsive, but they can't be close to us.
My xh did something very similar - he vacillated where he wanted to live all one summer, and then set off for where OW lived, but he didn't go there directly and he took a week to drive about 700 miles! And they go on sucking us into their lives. I do not understand, psychologically, what is going on with them, but it is strange.
One idea I have is that they are deeply unhappy but have to pretend that they aren't, but if they come close to us they will have to face what it is in them that is unhappy, so they displace it on to us. Some of them are mean about it, others just cold, and a few are emotional and weepy about their actions. But they are impervious to reason, and talking it through . . .. I guess if they could talk about it then it wouldn't be a crisis.
Sad, very sad for us, and for them, because they lose everything. My kids really have no time for their father, and don't respect or admire him for the way he has behaved. I have learned to stay away from the relationship - it was hard watching him screw it up and then reap the consequences. But, they still don't get it. People say they hit bottom. Some may do, but many just contiue in what I can only describe as a twilight world of half life.
