WHG: And so we file...

[workinghardguy]

Had a pretty good weekend... S and I went hiking on Saturday. Ended up on a trail a bit beyond our skills but we worked together to make it through. He had fun and it was a great dad-son experience. Sunday I took him to an indoor amusement park that was running a holiday special. We spent the whole day just having fun. Today was much more low-key and mellow. Not to mention dad needed the chance to recover after 2+ hours of laser tag STBX had to work today so I volunteered to take S.

Wrestled all weekend knowing STBX was up at the wedding of her guy's brother. Still eats at me and I wish I could make it stop. Haven't figured out how to do that yet though...

Tomorrow is the first day of school. That was the other reason I volunteered to take S today so he could stay here and I could take him to school tomorrow morning.

Bracing myself for the rest of this week... this is the week of the year that I now dread. Saturday marks the one year of bomb drop. Sunday marks STBX's and my six year anniversary. Monday marks the anniversary of my dad's death. Tuesday is September 11th. And Wednesday is my dad's birthday.

How odd that when STBX and I picked 9/9 as our wedding date one reason she tossed out was so that I could have a happy day to balance the anniversary of my dad's death. Now I get two days of crap-tasticness right before his death anniversary.

Five days of pure awesomeness.

[sayitaintso]

Man WHG, I'll be thinking about you this week bro. Sorry about the news on OM. I think I am about to be dealing with something similar.

Their is nothing we can do about it but you would not be human if you didn't feel hurt. Take your time to move through it and focus and you and your kids.

[workinghardguy]

Thanks Say. I guess he is an OM.. I mean technically.. we're still married though separated. Funny that I don't really think of him that way though. I don't see him as in the way.

I guess I'm more disappointed because when we split STBX was all about self-help, counseling, etc... before getting into another R. And she really could benefit from those things. If not for our M then just for her own mental health and her relationship with the kids. But of course none of that has happened... and that saddens me.

Life will play its course...

[reachingHigher]

I'm so glad you had a great time with your S this weekend. And being able to take him to the first day of school! Make sure you get a special pic of him and one of the two of you together if you can. It might cheer you up on the other days this week.

((((WHG))))

[workinghardguy]

Just got a txt from STBX. Her work isn't letting her come in late tomorrow so she wanted to know if I could help SS and SD get off to first day of school. I hate these decision points. I said yes... I have a picture of all three for every first day of school going back three years and now I can get a fourth. And I haven't seen SD and SS in five days.

This weekend I volunteered to take all three kids as W has to work. Going to take them to the local storytelling festival and I think to a musical on Sunday. That should help keep me busy and hopefully focused on things other than what the days are.

[labug]

Well WHG, one thing about your STBX, she's consistent. You always know what to expect.

But you got to do the whole first day of school thing which probably means more to you than it does her.

There's always a blue sky.

[jbnati]

WHG,
I just wanted to say you are doing a great job as a Dad for your S and for your SS & SD for that matter. You're stepping up to the plate for your kids. Your S is watching you and will always remember the way you handled things.
Also, as far as I know, my W moved out first on the premise of "finding herself" (TBH I wasn't totally buying it) and then started dating. So I understand what you're saying about OM. In some ways, it doesn't seem like he's OM because of the sequence of events, I think.

[OneLessWife]

You know I have to chime in here. JB you are right, when my ex told me that we needed to separate, because she needed some space, I asked her about an OM and she stated that was not the case. But wait , I ended up finding out that there was an OM all along, so once we identify someone as a WAS then we need to heed MWD's advice about believing nothing of what they say and only half of what we see. I wish I could have done that.....Stay focused on yourself WHG. You are a great person and will continue to get better.

[workinghardguy]

Thanks everyone... it is what it is... I get that she's lonely.. heck, so am I. I'm just sad to see this take her eye off the ball of getting help, if in fact there ever was an eye on that.

The first day of school got even more fun... my STBX never disappoints Got a call from S's school stating that he couldn't be put on the bus to the afterschool program because the right form hadn't been returned. Left work to take care of that, but found my mom was closer so she ran him the whole two blocks from school to afterschool site.

So now I'm at home figuring I'll just work from home rather than make the drive back to work. I get a text message from SS asking if I'm in town. I reply yes and he asks if I can come get him and SD. They are supposed to go to an afterschool program as well at their school. Turns out STBX kind of forgot to enroll them... so they couldn't get in and they didn't have keys to STBX's house. Good gravy.

I'll admit I pondered for a few seconds just telling them they would have to wait there until mom got off work in two hours, but what would that accomplish? They already realize mom dropped the ball... making them sit and cool their jets seems ridiculous. So I picked them up and we hung out at my place until STBX picked them up.

She was pretty sheepish but also pissed off. See... it was the school's fault for not automatically re-enrolling them since they were signed up at the end of last year. She's funny that way.

She did thank me for "saving the day". I told her it just happened that I was in town. Had I been at my office SS and SD would've had to figure out a solution so for tomorrow she'd better figure something out.

[workinghardguy]

It's been a good weekend. Only ended up really breaking down once this morning. Had all the kids all weekend which really helped keep my mind focused elsewhere, and we were busy

Friday night we went to the local, annual storytelling festival for the spooky stories night. For years I tried to get STBX to go there but never could. I still think she'd like it, but at least now I know the kids do Saturday the local fish and wildlife office had an open house. I think SD thought it was pretty nerdy going in, but even she had fun. She's a science and math nerd at heart so all the fish labs and equipment caught her eye. Of course the fish and critters caught the boys' eyes It was rewarding as we were driving home to hear SS say "I could work at a place like that some day".

Today we all slept in and vegged. Then I took all three to see the Pirates of Penzance at our local community theater. I'll admit I was nervous as Pirates is a bit deep perhaps for 6, 10, and 12 but they loved it... even SS. Afterward did some shopping and came home for pizza and "Alien". Just gone done helping SD make invitations for her sleepover in two weeks at STBX's house. Poor girl was sad because she wanted to put out invites but mom wouldn't let her use the printer as she's almost out of ink, needs the little she has for college papers, and can't buy more. So I told her we'd sit down and make some up. I can find the ink for three invitations.

Had a cry this morning for a short bit.. today is our sixth wedding invitation. Not reaching out to her was hard today. Most days it's easy, but today was hard. But I didn't. She didn't either. Like the day never existed.

I volunteered to keep the kids tonight rather than have them at her house. Ostensibly it's her night but I really didn't want to see her today of all days. So keeping them here means I don't have to see her. I'll have to see her tomorrow briefly when I drop off the kids' bags, but not tomorrow is not today.

Last thing before I sign off... a friend posted this on her Facebook page today. Usually this fluffy stuff annoys me, but this one really, really hit home. I share in the event it is of use to others:

"Much of the pain in life comes from having a life plan that you’ve fallen in love with and when it doesn’t work out, you become angry that you now have to pursue a new life plan.
If you want to tame your inner demons, you must not become attached to any particular life plan, and remain open to there being a better, happier life plan."

I know for me this is where much of my pain comes from. I had a life plan. I put up with so much crap while my STBX was in nursing school because it was worth it for the better life down the road. We had a plan. We had an agreement. And now that plan is gone and I feel plan-less. It's why the idea of dating fatigues me.. I don't want to make another plan... I want my old plan... so I sort of drift until I decide when I'm ready to start anew.