Alien Invasion Pt 2

[reachingHigher]

Hey Gal!

I'm looking for some sympathy! I'm pretty sure D is in my near future. Left the details on my thread. I feel like its best to be kind and cooperative at this point. He's really made up his mind. I know him. He needs to get it out of his system.

I'm sure he still loves me. It's something else he needs. He thinks a D will help him get it.

So...I was okay the first couple of hours after. But I'm sobbing a little now. Just feel so sad. . I really felt like we were heading the other way and it's so disappointing. Trying to remind myself that all things work together for good. Somehow.

[GALbaby]

Keep it together RH. It still may not mean the end. I've read your thread. Am out today so will have to comment later. So sorry RH. I know you must be feeling terrible. Try and keep busy. I'm sending PMA across the ocean. Hugs! Lots of em.

[reachingHigher]

Thanks girl. Sniff sniff. I feel like I did the right thing. Can't control him.

Accepting hugs. Lots of them.

[Takevowsserious]

Hi girls!

Lots of stuff going down in our lives!

RH, I haven't had a chance to read up on your thread, but will do so soon. I am sorry your H is still pushing for a D. He truly is confused in his mind. There is no doubt he still loves you, but maybe he needs to prove himself wrong about what will bring him happiness.

I think he needs to understand that you are not going to be sitting at home waiting for him to figure his crap out. YOU are going on with your life, with or without him. He is not the only one with choices.

Lots of hugs (and tissues!) your way!

Gal, hope you are staying strong over there across the ocean. Feel free to post on my thread - I always look forward to hearing from you!

We need a LBS girls getaway - lots of wine, and no aliens!

[GALbaby]

RH I have to agree with what TVS has said. Let your H feel the pain of not having you in his life. I say this with love.

[reachingHigher]

Gal,

I had to go pages back to find your thread! What's going on with you today?

I spoke with Chuck tonight and it was great. He said I can wait 2-3 weeks to call again if nothing significant happens.

He mentioned the "alien nature" of MLCers as described in the online community. Like the name of your thread!!

He said our loved ones are "in there somewhere". I didn't speak to him till 8 pm and he said had a lot of difficult sitches today he said. Must be a tough job.

I posted a LONG post of course on my thread.

I feel peaceful and have a plan. I'm trying to think about how to get more $ for my next set of sessions. Lol!

I think about you girls so often during the day. These relationships...this support...has meant SO much to me. We are able to share these things and connect in such a unique way. It's gotten me through these hard times. Thanks so much!!!

[GALbaby]

RH, glad you are getting value out of your coaching sessions. I read your thread. Your sitch sounds complicated to me. I can't understand why someone would D when they are obviously so in love. MLC is a nightmare. I wish there was a pill you could take. Follow Chuck's advice. He is the expert. We all care about you here, but you need to stick to a plan and I think your DB coach's is the best.

My sitch is going well. I took the leap of faith the other night after we had a good day together. We were playing musical beds here and I thought this is crazy, I should be in my own bed. So I went upstairs and said to my H. I don't want to sleep downstairs tonight. I need a man to ML to me. H said .."can it wait until morning?" (don't ask me??). I said of course. I just lay there. After 10 minutes he started to ML to me. It wasn't just sex, there was affection, kissing and cuddling too. I was expecting him to kick me out like he had done a few months ago, or I was expecting him to move out into the other room. Instead he cuddled me until he was asleep. In the morning, we had coffee and watched the morning news and talked just as we always used to. He wasn't affectionate at all but I thought, what the hell, this is better than I was expecting. I won't have any further expectations of him.

Then I worried whether I should go back to our bed again the following night. Again I went to bed but waited for him to realise I was there and leave the room to sleep elsewhere. He didn't. Again no affection, but no resistance either. Same thing last night. Each time we would wake and have coffee and watch the news together.

So what can I say? Do what works!! I am surprised as the next person. There has been no R talk, but I will put no pressure on him about anything yet. I am confused as to why there is no affection forthcoming from him. If I kiss him goodbye he seems OK with it, but he never initiates. Weird!! So I am just going with it for now. Am I in piecing? I wouldn't have a clue. If I need to I will ring for some advice from my DB coach in a few weeks.

[reachingHigher]

I'm so excited for you! It's not everything you want in the end...but huge progress, no?

The "can it wait till morning"? reminds me of something I heard in the movie "hope springs" sort of. I'm so glad he didn't wait!

I like "do what works". You have been such an inspiration for me!

Responding to what you said on my thread. Yes, Chuck's experience with other couples like me & H tells him for me to support H and let him go. I decided (or am deciding) that if H never comes back, I'd still like to have him in the friendship mode with raising the boys than I would an adversarial position. Chuck said "his new found freedom may give him the desire to fall in love with you again". Or something like that.

I met a lady here that just got D last year and contested it and the judge ruled in her H's favor and she came out with NOTHING! Not even health insurance. She is terrified of her future life. (she is 58 years old)

Back to your sitch. I can't wait to hear the next update, but I fear the alien may not have moved out yet!

[GALbaby]

Huge progress, RH. Better than expected. Yep the "can it wait till morning?" Hahaha..where did that come from. Anyway it turned out I could wait...but he couldn't. LOL.

I also expect the alien will return. Given that he has done this to me 4 times in the last year, is another reason I needed to know that it was going to be done right this time. Hence, my determination to stick with the DB plan. But there are no guarantees ever about anything is there? Only death and taxes.

I have learned so much about my H and relationships in general, at least I feel that I am much better armed to give us the best possible chance this time. I can't believe I was in such despair just less than a week ago. Things have definitely turned around. And my first kiss today in 5 months initiated by H. Am staying cautiously optimistic.

[reachingHigher]

A kiss. Oh, a kiss! Yay, a kiss!

Keep your PMA in case of alien return. I'm very happy for your progress!

Gives me more faith in DB techniques. You have been faithful to apply them to the "t"! Good work!