I refused to leave my home. I do agree that if your M is not working for your W, that she should find other arrangements.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
So here is today's entry. We both arrived hone around the same time. I was being happy, she was stand offish. We got the kids ready and overall had a good family day. Everyone had fun. So we just talked for about an hour. I did tell her that I wasn't interested in leaving the house again throughout the week. She ended up being okay with it. We may be doing separate rooms. Other details of the conversation involved the how she was with OM and his family (she knew them from when they were teens). She also said that she has some genuine feelings for him and yet she also sees several red flags about him. Not to mention the reality of him living 3 or more hours away with 2 kids of his own. She continued with a lot of the MLC script, ILYBNILWY, stuff. Surprisingly, I remained very calm throughout the entire conversation, nor was I rude or sarcastic. I did catch myself a few times before I opened my mouth. She admitted that she was surprised of how calm I was handling the conversation. I told her that I am able to do so now because I'm accepting it for what it is. That I'm some with our old relationship. If we are to ever work things out that it would have to be a new better relationship; and that um trying to better me for myself. Only for myself, so that whatever new relationship I choose to be in, I won't be the "fixer" of everything and everyone. So she says that she doesn't want to focus on us, that the separation is still staying in effect, etc. However I feel like this was a positive conversation, because I was able to validate her feelings (she even said she appreciated that I could see her POV), I was detached, and most importantly... I SHOWED her in the way that I handled myself.
Sounds like you handled it well. Keep us up to date.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
A couple items I forgot to add last night were: 1. She kept saying she wasn't trying to hurt me, that she didn't want to. With this time around, I responded by letting her know I was okay and for her to focus on herself 2. More importantly is this one. OM evidently posted and tagged a picture of them on FB. Nothing horrible, just them sitting next to each other with his ARM around her side. So anyways, this prompted her to want to officially change our relationship status in FB as well as defriend all of my friends and family so that she wouldn't be judged negatively. I responded that it is entirely up to you. I woke up and saw that she did follow through that. So to rid of myself of some negative emotions, I got dressed and went for a bike ride. Ironically she sends me a text, "where'd you run off to?". I didn't have my phone AP I simply told her when I got back. Ugh
Journaling.... So I offered to go the grocery store, simply to get out of the house for a few. We both dread the g store :P so before I leave, "You' re acting odd today". She didn't explain what she meant. She also shared earlier that her younger sister was "giving her sh*t". She didn't elaborate, but I'm pretty sure its the FB thing. Middle of the morning she tried to strike up chit chat, I kind of replied. She also noticed me on my phone more than usual (i was reading threads on here). The kids put together a little dinosaur presentation for us, so we sat on the floor and watched it. I decided to lay on my side on the floor. Soon thereafter she did too, almost close enough for us to "spoon". I wonder what she's doing with this. Oh well, forge forward and work on me. Always out on the happy face. Fake it til I make it.
So here's something eerie, or is it typical? She's being friendly, seemingly with the end goal of a D. She even talked with our d to see how she felt about it. Fortunately, our d is okay with it. "2 happy homes is better than 1 unhappy home.". I must agree with that mindset, yet I also know of the "fog" that's overtaken my wife. I guess I need to remain steadfast and be the Lighthouse.
Thanks for the verification MrB. I thought it was to be expected, simply I was more use to the more withdrawn / angry side of her. Perhaps her "odd" comment was that I had a PMA.
Anywho, can someone remind where to read up on the different phases of MLC? I've read so much lately and forgot where I saw it. That way I can better familiarize myself / prepare for all that she's going through.
Also, any good resources for facing the demons of insecurity / rejection / being unloved. I'm pretty sure that's what I need to do work on for myself while GALing?
