Tomorrow is a New Day

[hopefulinga]

I managed to delete the entire post that I was typing. Sometimes I just love technology.

I do get the massages, I just take her with me. She sleeps on the couch. Would it be better as private time? Yes.

H came home in a better mood, which I know can be attributed to the fact that I didn't fly off the handle like I normally would. I don't know why I cannot express my emotions appropriately and lash out at him instead. I felt like he didn't need me, which upset me. And I am also tired of him taking on charity cases and people mooching off of him. There is no way I can express that without him getting mad at me. I also get mad because I see him give other people more patience in cases where I know if I were in the same shoes, he would not. And why do these people feel like they have to compete with me and one up me?

H thanked me for dinner last night and told me that it was good. After that, I steered clear of him. I did use my computer a little bit, which put me in the same room, but otherwise did other things. He did let me kiss him on the head last night. I'm trying to do this without him thinking that I am ignoring him.

He went back to work today and all seemed ok. He stopped to let me kiss him good bye. I did tell him that I loved him and I got a muddled response. I do believe that he still loves me but is not ready to tell me.

It is 2 steps forward and 1 step back. I've noticed that I really don't have a lot of patience like I know that I need to right now. My life goes by so fast and I am so busy that I just don't feel like playing games. Also, my style is to get it out in the open, resolve it and move on. Not H. He likes to hold a grudge and can't deal with things. How many people do you know that would say they want to pee on the grave of an ex-spouse 20 years after the divorce? I've asked him to move beyond that but he won't. And I know these unresolved issues affect our relationship.