Your statements are exactly on the right track if you re-read through them! "I want her to be happy, I want to be happy, I want to be happy together".
I like many others on here went through a LULL in our life where we thought our happiness needed to come from our Spouse or others around us. That is one of my main goals first, is to rediscover how to find my happiness from within & never rely on others to bring me that happiness.
Nobody wants to be around an unhappy, angry, & miserable person. If you are happy, they are happy, etc...
Maybe that could be one of your goals as well? Search within yourself & find out how to rediscover what makes you click, or what makes you smile! I think that once we overcome that hurdle, then nothing will bring us down.
Of course this is the Confucius Philosophical side of me coming out. But has extreme validity when you truly think it through.
Keep working Carnac. You are doing great. I didn't mean to bust you too much earlier. But I learned SO much by getting beat by 2x4's pretty much every day for a year. It keeps us honest... and it keeps us thinking.
Denver: Not a problem, I appreciate honesty even when I disagree. I think one of the coolest things about this place is everyone is working toward the dual goals(improving themselves and saving their marriage in the process) even if we don't always agree on how to do that, at least I know that on one is here with an agenda and that everything they say comes from a place of trying to help.
Suppo: I think your exactly right in looking internally. I don't know everything about me yet but I do know that helping others makes me happy so for now im going to continue with that until I can figure out more. Well I guess I know two things....I know I like smiling as well.
Good posts guys, I agree...BTW, it's been a while Carnac. I am really glad things have been positive recently. That's just awesome. Suppo, I really love the PMA, it's needed here! Dont take off your cheerleading outfit.
In their mind they are, but if they simply knew the principle of keep doing what works and if its not working change then they would have changed the communication somehow until we actually heard it.
It's surprising that they don't because they seem to have learned the fine art of DBing much faster than we do. I'd love to be able to be detached half as much as W is.
Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
I disagree. She was telling you. From her perspective it was a perfectly normal and appropriate way for her to communicate to you. Her mistake was to realize that it was not working and to find a different way to communicate. Her mistake was allowing herself to give up.
Yeah, that's what hurts the most in this whole business. I know that until very recently, there had never been a doubt in my mind that I wouldn't give up on our family, not ever in our entire marriage. I would have hoped that this family was as important to W as it is to me. Then again, I might have left too if I'd been married to me.
Great posts my friends!!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Yeah, that's what hurts the most in this whole business. I know that until very recently, there had never been a doubt in my mind that I wouldn't give up on our family, not ever in our entire marriage. I would have hoped that this family was as important to W as it is to me. Then again, I might have left too if I'd been married to me.
Great posts my friends!!
Way too hard on yourself Brother! You could have done everything perfect in the eyes of her & she still may have left. You don't know, and for you to speculate things like this, is way to downing on yourself.
You have admitted your mistakes & you know what you need to work on. Once you are where you feel comfortable with yourself & where you feel you need to be is all that matters. If she wants to come back and ride on the new highspeed Arsene1000 bullet train, with plush new carpet & leather seats, then she can buy a ticket! If she doesn't, then that will be her loss, because she would have missed out on the greatest ride of her life into the future!
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Suppo: Man you are such an encouragement. I've really had some good PMA going this week, but since sometime around 3:00 yesterday i've been in a huge funk. It started when my wife showed up for my sons football game with no wedding ring on. I heard her telling a story later about some rash she had on her hand swelling her hand up and she had to get her ring off b/c it was hurting and her hands were still swelled.....so there was a clear reason it was off, but it still spun me into some funk.
Then this morning she didnt come to church or at least drop off our son so he could go with me so it just kind of snowballed on me and here I sit feeling kind of down tonight. Im still standing for my marriage and intend to for a long time, but dang im just wishing we could at least talk about things, or something I dont really know.
Carnac, Sorry your day wasnt good as well. Its hard to get out of fhe funk when you are in it sometimes. Its like myself today. I was in a decent mood, but I also felt I could go either way. And I tried to focus on being positive, but it was hard for some reason today. Hope tomorrow is better for you my friend.
Btw... how did your sons team do?
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
Right there with you Brother! I promise to keep the PMA as much as possible & have such a Great feeling that things will work out for us in the end...And our M's will start fresh the way God intended them to be.
Not sure if you read through my most recent riff in the Force, but I totally understand being in a "FUNK". I am trying my darndest to keep my PMA due to recent events yesterday, not just for myself, but for 2 wonderful kids who are just overwhelmed with what they had to see & go through yesterday.
I feel pretty darn good about the way I handled myself & could sit here & speculate all kinds of things after I walked away yesterday with my kids, but what purpose would it really serve. I want my W to come back more than anything & have truly already forgiven her, but I would be lying to you if I didn't tell you that my stomach is doing summersaults around my A$$.
Can't get the darn image out of my head, but I know that time & the Lord will heal mine & my children's pain.
Starsky & Denver told us that they live on a "HIGH" or some sort of "FOG" and really don't recognize anything going on around them or what they are doing. After yesterday the point was surely driven home.
