Good stuff SS, you made me think. My W complains that she feels inadequate and doesn't measure up. I struggled for a long time feeling like I was "doing that to her" and not for the life of me being able to figure out what I was doing or how to make it better. I'm not critical and I don't complain. I have observed that she has attitudes and expectations that she "assigns to me" that I don't believe in and am not even aware of, and she feels she falls short on those.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that a demanding spouse can be a problem, but we can also be our own worst enemy in many ways. They can blame us for not being the person they want, but we can also blame ourselves for not being the person we *think* they want. In the end, who we are is good enough, it has to be.

Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015