see this as a good opportunity for you to find a way to step off his train - even a little bit. what could you do right now, so you don't get pulled into his drama?
Get off his a$$. I have been umbilical tied to him for 23yrs. He was (is) like a really good ethnic mother, you know like one of those you see on tv and the kid is like "ok ma, I got it" as she's still putting more food on your plate? The running joke was always...he should have stayed home, while I was the strong one out there.
I needed a mother....he really is mothering...less today, but still more than the average guy.
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where we are in the process as we begin to attempt the detachment process. when we truly start - that's when we find out how entangled we really are, and how it will just happen slowly.
This is my crutch! It happend fast for me...we were talking last night about he insisted I trust him (24yrs ago) and I gave my all to him, (the first person ever). He was so sad that he broke that, apologized!
What can I do for me about this ( h also said he needs me to be strong without him) this will be my daily struggle. Everyday I have to remember not to jump his bones, call him honey, make plans, so I come to this site as sort of my Daily Bread.
-not tell him what's going on with you?
Yes, this is an easier on to start with. I will not volunteer information any more, and I did use that line on him when he asked about my interview. I told him I won't have him get upset at something that I'm handeling.
set a boundary with your h - find out for yourself what the boundary could be and then set it. this is him crawling all over you, and this is you making sure there's a safety zone around yourself that he MAY NOT penetrate - until you feel stronger
Again, another hard one. I just want him to swoop in and put more food on my plate, Boundaries are hard, also in the same house, same bed, even same bathroom, but those are physical boundaries that aren't really the problem.
I need to know more about boundaries how to answer, talk in a way that I'm not seeming to pull him in, or being aloud to be pulled in. I acted "as if" for several months, honestly if felt great...but H revealed that he was so surprised at my silence...but just kept on going forward with his flipped brain. I feel like it gave him his space...I don't know it makes me angry to see the rope he takes, that I give, and uses it to gal.
I wrote about this on my thread....Cadet gave helpful words.
I need to take a break...thanks zig....
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
Boundaries are hard, also in the same house, same bed, even same bathroom, but those are physical boundaries that aren't really the problem. 
