Good day today. W and I had planned to move some of our bigger items to the new house today. W had arranged with the neighbour to get a few guys to move our stuff. Had planned to meet up with W and "movers" at our old house (the one where our tenants live) at 2 pm to pick up some of our stuff from the house.
I spent the morning with D8 around the boarding house and playing guitar and got to the old house at 2 but I felt a bit weird arriving there first. W had made the arrangements with the tenants (people we know) and I don't know what she told them about us so I drove around the block waiting for W to arrive.
When she did I went and joined her. The truck and driver were there but the hired "movers" weren't. W was snippy and asked me where they were. I told her I had no idea, that I thought she had taken care of it. She then told me I should have talked to them as they live across my boarding house. She said she thought I would have. I kept calm and said that I was sorry but that if I had known I would have but I didn't know anything about the deal she had made with them (she never told me - just that she had found movers). She then called my landlady (who knew about the deal) and was told that the neighbour and found work elsewhere and wouldn't make it. W was pretty upset but she no longer was angry with me. We decided to see if we could find a few helpers in the neighbourhood, which we did.
It was strange going in our old house. This is where we had lived the three yeas leading up to W's EA. During those years, we'd done lots of renovations and now, the house is exactly as we wanted it (unfortunately we don't live there anymore). It's impossible to walk through this time warp and not be affected by it. I sensed W didn't want to face her emotions. She stayed out most of the time, until I asked her to come and have a look at our back yard garden and how it had grown. She used to love sitting there in the morning. She stayed in the back yard for a bit, very pensive. I remained upbeat and the move went on well.
For the first trip, W and I drove the car together (I left my motorcycle at our old house) and we had nice light convo where she lightened up abit and we shared a few laughs. On the way, I stopped at a fruit stall to get fruit for the "movers" (part of my 180s is working on my generosity - I never used to do stuff like this but for the last 6 weeks, I've been getting stuff and food for security guards in our neighbourhood and for helpers and my landlady and other lodgers - W has no idea I've been doing this because I don't do it for her but I have to admit that this one was to show off a bit - not too proud of this) and when we got to the house the mood was great.
To make a long story short, the whole move went very well and W seems to like the new house however, she did make a point to say more than once that this was MY house. D8 was very excited about seeing her new room and told W that now, she could spend the night whenever she wanted and cuddle with her.
Once things were sorted at the new house, W and D8 took the movers back and I went to my boarding house to wait for them (they were to come back and have dinner with me). They eventually showed up 2 hours later having had dinner. I wasn't affected by it (the old me would have been bothered a lot and made some snide remark) and I was upbeat about them being back. W said she'd wanted to invite me out for noodles but I had insisted on coming back home (not the way I remember the convo) so I just said I'd take a rain-check on the invite.
W and daughter then laid in bed while I was doing some work and a few times W talked to me so I stopped what I was doing to listen and validate when I could. She'd heard from her guitarist (the guy I'd spoken to the previous evening) that I might have found some gig somewhere and she was very curious about it and very excited. I down-played it and told her it still wasn't sure so I didn't want to talk about it yet. She said i deserve to get a gig, that I've improved a lot and that when I did get it, she wanted me to invite her.
The convo then turned to an offer I got from my former boss in a neigbouring country. W said I should take it. I said the offer would be there whenever I want to take it (my boss's words) if I choose to but that for the time being D8 needed to be here near her mom. W said but she is here. It looked like she was trying to get me to go by myself, I jokingly asked if she was trying to get rid of me and left the room to get a glass of water.
She'd also been asked by a mutual female acquaintance (Y), if she could meet her to discuss marital problems. Y is the wife of a good friend of mine and she isn't being treated very well. For a long time, W and I had thought that Y should just leave her husband (my friend). Now W said that she didn't understand why Y was doing this to herself. Then, she reflected that perhaps many people also didn't understand what SHE was doing. I didn't comment. We stayed silent for a long pause and then I addressed D8.
D8 eventually went to bed and fell asleep (W fell asleep too) so I left the room for a bit (I thought about waking her up to tell her to leave but she seemed so peaceful that I just figured I'd let her rest for a bit). Minutes later, she exited the room and instead of leaving right away, took a seat so we talked a bit. The talk was mainly about our financial situation (which is the worst in my last 30 years) and she seemed very worried (about me???). I told her that I would be fine and that everything would fall into place by the end of next month. We talked a bit more and she again tried to get me to talk about my possible gig and then, I pleasantly and jokingly told her to get out, that I needed my beauty sleep. She hesitated (literally 5-10 minutes) between taking the car or the bicycle. Asked me my advice (which I didn't offer),changed her mind twice and finally opted for the car. As she left the house, I walked her out and we exchanged good nights.
She just sent me a few texts to ask me questions about an English lesson she is planning for a private tomorrow. I answered and joked a bit. She reciprocated and joked some more. I didn't reply to her last text.
I feel good about today. I just read my plan of action and I think I did everything right, or at least in a way I wanted to do it.
Maybe it is getting easier after all.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
