Freedomland Ahead

[BeingMe]

So, I was chatting to a friend of mine ... a very outgoing friend. Told her that the divorce is a definite thing (she's been praying for us). What does she do? Phones a single guy she knows and gave him my cell nr! He phoned me, like 10 minutes later ... now I've got a coffee date on Monday at 2pm. Yikes! I guess this is the way to do it ... just jump in and hope it turns out okay. I keep thinking, "I'm not ready, I'm too fat, I need more time." This guy's going to have to like me as I am now, or not. Nothing I can do. As he says, the worst that can happen is we have coffee. I like him already. On the negative side, he's a counselor (as in psychologist), so hope I don't count my words and seem stilted 'cause I'm worried he'll by psycho-analysing me. Mind you, his field his addictions, and I have none that I'm aware of.

Panic! What should I wear? This is my first "date" in 27 years, with a stranger. How do I act? Okay, I will keep breathing. By Monday I should be calm.

[kml]

Remember, it's not a DATE - it's just a coffee date. WHcih is just a substitute for randomly meeting a person at a party and having a casual conversation with them. If it's not a match - no harm, no foul. Relax.

(Oh - and btw? It's a liberating thing at our age, to realize you WANT someone who finds you attractive just the way you are.)

[BeingMe]

Thanks KML.

I know it's just a coffee date, but I still have to converse with a strange man. I'm somewhat shy. Hope he likes women who stutter, forget words, a little chubby, snorts sometimes when laughing, and wears glasses. How does that sound? Cr*p, I'm so scr*wed. I don't even know how to flirt. I'm just gonna be myself, put on clean clothes, and hope for the best.

All the above said with tongue in cheek.

[beatrice]

Look, you are an amazing woman - you have been posting and advising, and you are clearly a very likeable person. This man doens't have to be THE ONE [if such a thing exists]. He may have had a bad time too . . . . .

As for being a counsellor, they really are like the rest of the world, and if they find peole fascinating from one point of view, as a writer so do you - maybe he is worried you are going to write a short story about him!!

Have fun.

[job]

Go and have some fun. Look at it as an adventure and one to unlocking the future.

[~ kd ~]

lol... "date" sounds to me like an arranged marriage...

You're going for coffee with someone whom, if there wasn't a common connection with a friend, would otherwise be a stranger...

Take this as an opportunity to "break bread with a stranger". I've done that a few times and it's an awesome experience.

Focus on LEARNING ABOUT him and less about how you come across TO him...

[BeingMe]

Thanks y'all. Such good advice. I am much calmer today. I suppose it was the suddenness of my friend calling him, then him calling me. It was unexpected. All I was doing was informing my friend that H and I are definitely getting that divorce, and that I want to move on. And, she (just like the person she is) says, "well, I know a guy who's lonely and shy too, yadda yadda yadda." Oh, I don't think this is THE one (as you say, Beatrice, is there such a thing?). I hope to gain a friend who is single, at least. All my friends are married.

Talking about "the one" ... I thought my H was the one from the moment I met him ... 27 years later, I still think he's the love of my life, but he doesn't think that about me (not that he's said so, but actions do speak louder than words). Ah well, who knows what the future holds?! Maybe I'll have a love of my old age life. Hahaha!

[beatrice]

Like you I thought and still think that my xh was the love of my life. We have known each other a very very long time, and were married a very long time . . . . Even if I got together with someone else we would not have the history, shared memories and the children.

Not saying we can't have new relationships, but time is a dimension that we just cannot ignore.

Again like you my xh has no interest in me. I could fall off a cliff tomorrow and it would barely register. I had major surger a couple of years ago and he didn't take any interest at all. The old xh would have been camped out at the hospital. Where does it all go? I know there is no answer and we can only go on with our lives, but it is frightening that what you thought was rock solid looks like an illusion.

Fwiw I do not think it was an illusion, I think we were loved, and something is very wrong with their current emotional state. but it is their life, and we cannot help them or fix them. But I do not stop loving the man I was married to. It is the alien in his body i struggle with even liking!

[BeingMe]

Me too, Beatrice. Mine does seem normal. He says he cares deeply (emphasis on deeply). But, he is different in subtle ways. I feel so stupid ... I was feeling so bad for him, so sorry, going on his lonely business trips, then I find out he was dining women from dating sites. I should've known. I made his favourite dinners when he came home, because he didn't like most of the food in the various countries. Not going to do that again. I am such an idiot.

[job]

You are not an idiot. You were doing what you do best...being a good wife. You didn't know what was going on and you have left him w/some very good memories of what he had and now has given up.

I do think that your h is very comfortable w/the way that things have been and you've not rocked the boat and made his life difficult. I do think that once you begin totally moving on w/your life and divorce him, you may very well see a different side of him. Just my two cents.

I do hope that you have something special planned for this weekend to take your mind off of the mlc monster.