Dropping the rope, hope I'm doing the right thing.

[scaredsilly]

actually, vera, it was very easy to say no to him about a date. firstly, it was such short notice that he must have thought i was still desperate to be with him or that i don't have anything better to do.

secondly, i don't want to be around him right now. he's had the position of strength since december and now i do and i'm losing respect for him, if that makes sense.

lastly, i really do have plans for the weekend. yesterday, i had promised to visit the grandkids and babysit while DIL did her grocery shopping (so much easier without the three younger ones) and today, i'm going to the beach with them and then have a cookout later. monday, DIL has to take a CPR course for her nursing license renewal so i'll be babysitting all morning again.

this is the first time since the BD that i will have a holiday weekend and not be totally depressed! i can hardly believe the difference! it's as if a light has been switched on!

accuray, thanks for your support. you're absolutely right. had i said yes, the "positive talk" he said he wanted to have, may not have happened at all or probably would have been more of the rehash of the past with him requiring more promises of how i would be "should" there be a future for us. not doing that anymore.

i will continue my course. as you said, when/if the "landscape" is reset for BOTH of us, and my position is stronger, maybe i'll think about a R. that R will be MUTUALLY satisfying and will include a life for ME, too.

i've done a lot of thinking and have written down so many of my thoughts. one of my writings is about what i need in a mate. before i will be with anyone again, i will measure them by that list. it's not a demanding list of requirements at all. it's mutual respect, acceptance of change and differences, sharing, appreciation, trust, maturity, communication.

i had gotten into the habit of neglecting my needs to nurture his. that led to resentment and where we are today. i didn't have boundaries. i've learned so much during this eight-month time. my life will be so much better. i am truly grateful.