Dropping the rope, hope I'm doing the right thing.

[scaredsilly]

thank you, vero. i need all the prayers i can get.

accuray, your opinion means so much to me. thank you for dropping in. it's really strange how i've now lost the anxiety and panic i had before i made this decision. i feel so determined and resolute. turning the corner like this, has given me something to look forward to instead of looking back or being afraid.

it's really amazing. what i'm also finding out is i'm really taking off the rose-colored glasses i was viewing my H through. i think about being with him in a M and i don't see it because a lot of my problems came from not being able to handle my frustrations and resentment over how he treated me.

DB'ing has taught me to really think about what i'm feeling and not to let anger push that feeling down and take over. i need to be able to express what i need and what i don't want. i don't think he would be able to take that since our marriage pretty much revolved around what made him happy and i was supposed to be there to support him (and his kids and his family).

the really funny thing is that now he seems to be more like i was: clinging and pursuing. i got a text from him last night after 9 pm. he invited me to go to a college football game in another city today and to spend time at the beach until next tuesday! he said we could go "and talk on a positive note."

he's never asked me to do anything since the BD!(and he's not respecting my request to not text or email me with anything personal anymore.) what i would have done for a text like this months ago. now i just fell empty.

i replied, "thank you. sorry, i already have plans and committments for the weekend."

he then texted: "i truely understand."

he's so nicey, nicey...just like i was when i was frantic and desperate. i almost feel sorry for him but his cruelty and game playing prevents me from really feeling for him.

he should get the letter from my attorney next week sometime. this should be interesting.

thanks so much to you all for your support. it means so much to me.