Is keeping it to writing to: 1) Avoid direct contact (verbal and physical). 2) Generate documentation (X would never write anything incriminatinating, if anything would attempt to incriminate me be making references to actions and words that never happened).
Both 1 and 2. Number 1 is more important - you have to teach people how you expect to be treated.
I also learned to write very, very little. You can't explain your position, you can't reason with them. She will most likely not "see the light," or come around to your more rational viewpoints. In her mind, she is right and you are wrong.
You had an argument because you chose to participate. Stop participating, especially on her terms. If your daughter handed you her phone with her mom on it, you can state into the phone that you are unable to talk right now but would read any email she wanted to send. I wouldn't even put my ear on the receiver. Then hang up - no argument.
It took a long time for me to finally learn this lesson. My ex was an expert at pushing my buttons and gas-lighting me. I had the mindset that we could talk things out to come to some kind of consensus. But consensus was not his goal - me going along with all of his ideas was.
And if you don't like what she emails, if it untrue, you don't have to respond at all. The saying "You don't have to show up to every argument that you are invited to."
To end the conflict, I had to stop trying to talk to him. There was nothing left to explain, nothing left to talk about, no "meeting of the minds" was ever going to happen. Once he realized that I wasn't putting up with his nastiness (or any of his stuff), it got much better. If he tried to call, it went to voicemail. If he did catch me on the phone, I excused myself immediately and hung up if he raised his voice at all. At this point, we can occasionally talk for very brief amounts of time about a specific topic related to the kids, but stick mostly to texting. It is concise and keeps us on point. I can attest that he held onto the anger much, much longer than I did.
