Dealing with Anger

[Arsene]

MrsD, Suppo, Broken, Denver,

Thanks for your support. It makes me feel like I can do this. I think that so far I have been doing well. Here is an update on my sitch.

Friday was W's bday. I know everyone says not to do a thing but that's not me. Besides, I had bought her a few harmonicas while in my country and told d8 that she could give one to W for her bday. D8 made her mom a card and we wrapped the present. She asked me why I wasn't going to give something to mom. I just said it was probably not a good idea. Nonetheless, W had planned to spend the day with D8 so I'd told her she would pick her up from school because i was going to be busy with a job. Besides, in the evening I had my first meeting with the ToastMasters (an English public speaking club) so it was good timing.

In the morning, I texted W saying:

Me - I hope you have a beautiful day. 40 is a great time to be alive. I truly hope you find happiness in your life.

W - Thanks Arsene. I hope the same for you.

Later that day, I got another text after D8 gave her the harmonica

W - I thank you so much for the harp. It is lovely. Thanks a lot to both of you.

Later that day, W told me that she couldn't spend to day with D8 because a job had come up. She needed me to get D8 around 6. I told her I couldn't because I had a meeting. She was a bit taken aback but we eventually decided that D8 could go with her at her gig, which finished at 21:30.

I told her that I would try to pick D8 up if my meeting finished earlier. I said I would let her know.

I was a bit disappointed because I know how much D8 wanted to spend time with her mom and I also was looking forward to going out with friends after the meeting.

Anyway, as it turned out, the meeting was canceled but I decided to still go out for a quick drink with a friend. I decided to let W take care of D8 (she had been going on for a while that she missed seeing mom sing, so she would be happy to spend some time with her mom on her birthday), knowing that she would be in bed by 10 at most. I then went to a local McDs to kill an hour (on this site) before meeting my friend.

How does it happen that in a city of 8 million people, my W and D8 would walk in the McDs where i was (neither of us are fans of McDs and we rarely go). It wasn't bad though. We had a nice exchange. I told her I was waiting to go to my appointment (W doesn't know anything about who or what the meeting was about - i suspect she thought it was work related), but didn't mention that the original meeting had been cancelled and that I was now just meeting a friend for drinks. As I still wasn't sure whether or not I would pick up D8 from the hotel lounge I said I'd call her if I could. As she left, W brought me a hamburger, saying it was for her bday (in this country you give food to your guests/friends on your bday).

In the end i didn't pick up D8 and by the time I got home, she was sleeping soundly, and W was gone (landlady was in the house).

An hour later, I got text from W asking me if she could be with D8 the whole day on the following day to make up for the fact that she'd had to work on Friday (she'd also had a lesson in the after noon, during which D8 sat and waited around). She also asked if it was ok for her to keep D8 overnight at her boarding house. I replied the following morning that I had no problems with that and that i hoped they have a good time together.

I know this may sound like a non-event but the point is, all day, I felt upbeat and I let nothing get to me. I didn't judge, criticise or felt anything other than love for my W. I was upbeat and happy. I think that I even showed confidence, and didn't make myself too available. I know I could have picked up D8 but I couldn't have, had the meeting not been canceled so I stuck with my plan, not to show/teach W anything, but because I felt like going for a drink with a friend on a night where I had planned to do so.

Today was similar. W again had to cancel with D8 because of a gig that just materialized. They spent the afternoon together at least but I had to cancel my plans, and I did willingly. One thing which happened in the morning though caught me off guard.

W had arranged to get movers to move some items of furniture in the house we recently rented. Now I don't plan on moving in before next week (I need to find a maid to take care of D8 first) but we had to get the movers for this Sunday. I explained this to the landlady (whose neighbours are helping in the move) and she understood that we weren't moving the furniture on Sunday (what I said is that me and D8 were moving next week). When W arrived, landlady asked her why we weren't moving on Sunday. W came to me in anger and started saying that I couldn't change the date, that she'd arranged for the movers already (W and I had spoken about me and D8 not moving before next week the previous day) so I kind of went on the defensive a bit and told her that it's what we had agreed the day before. That the furniture was moving Sunday and me and D8 next week. She then realise she was over-reacting and calmed down immediately (but didn't apologize). I wish I had stayed calm to point out the misunderstanding instead of going impulsively on the defensive but in the end no harm was done, I think.

In the evening, as I arrived back home, W was still there, getting ready (and looking great !!sigh!!). I told her her outfit was nice and we had a pleasant enough time until she said that a friend was picking her up by motorcyle(a guitarist I know - in fact, the only member of her former band who objected to her and OM seeing each other more and more 2 years ago, at the time of the EA) and said she would leave her stuff in the room. I suggested she keep it in the car as I'd probably be sleeping when she gets back. She was cross, I could tell (threw a few things in the bag quite roughly and even repeated - I thought petulantly - you'll be sleeping). I didn't let it affect my mood and I could tell she looked pissed off when she was taking her stuff outside, to the car. Nonetheless, I asked her if she had time for dinner before leaving and in the end we had a nice dinner with no animosity.

Just another weird thing happened. When the guitarist arrived to pick her up, I decided that we knew each other so I would not hide from him. Besides, I always respected the fact that he had said something back then so I went out to say hi. He looked a bit embarrassed but was nice. Commented on how I had lost weight and then proceeded to explained that they were playing for a wedding and asked me if it was ok. I got wondering how much he actually knew about what was going on.
W left and we exchanged polite good byes.

Again, I'm pretty happy with the way I can handle myself lately. I have been chasing thoughts of OM as they occur. I have been chasing the slumps with meditation and focus on happiness. I have been catching my thoughts before anything negative about W, or others, enter my mind and I have been focusing on the fact that I am doing the only thing that I can do for my situation. Giving it time and making the best of that time.

I do have a few questions but I'll keep them for tomorrow. Cheers every one!