TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
ill be joining you over there. mine will be final on the 9th..
keep being you, cuz only a fool would leave you. i mran that from the bottom of my heart. you amaze me! it is a tough spot to be. i cant think of anyone more equipped to kick a$$ than you!
So it's been a pretty crazy 48 hours. He and I talked all about filling. I'm very happy that things are going the way they are. Without going into too much about my sitch I think he'll be happier. It was funny because he talked about how his GF was feeling about everything and it made me giggle inside. She's expressing some doubts about him not standing on his own, etc. I remember having those doubts when we met and I put him through a few hoops and then decided that I could trust him but those doubts would come back because I had fear and control issues. I think emotionally she's the way I was when I met him and that's why he attracted her because co-dependants find each other.
He said sometimes I come over here I just feel like sh*t I told him i never wanted him to feel that way that I was looking out for him and wanted the best.
He told me that at the time of BD he was "saying anything to get you to stop freaking out" So I don't know why I ever thought about any of that. He said it surprised him because he thought I was a lot further along and not as "on pause" as I was. He'd been off living his life. So although I don't think my growth was a waste of time I think any delusions of him coming back or wanting to come back as Cheryl said weren't true.
So last night I found myself backstage at a music event because a girl I've only met a few times invited me along. So new Brit said heck yeah why not. I really liked one of the artists, had never heard of a few, and liked a song from the other. I ended up watching it from the press pit in front of the barriers. It was amazing. The last act was a younger act and all these young girls were screaming and screaming and one of the guys jumped off stage to touch the girls hands and danced with me a bit. Part of me thought you are way too old to enjoy this music but I had so much fun!
Anyway a series of Adventure in Babysitting you can't make this sh*t up events, I found myself stranded with no way to get home and 4% on my phone battery at midnight. I called two friends and one was drinking and the other went straight to voicemail. Because of where I live a taxi to the country would have been in the excess of �100. So I called H. I explained, apologised, and he said of course don't worry. It was an hour each way for him.
Then I worried that GF might be like hell no. And I was feeling really vulnerable hadn't had dinner etc. So when he shows up I just burst into tears. And he hugged me. And I hated that he smelled like cologne (that I'd bought him), so he'd obviously been out that night. And I said I'm so so sorry. I feel horrible that I had to called you and you were probably in bed. He said you're forgetting who you're talking to, she'd gone to bed and I was up on my own watching a film (this was a big issue in our relationship, him staying up late not going to bed with me, our s*x life suffered, he hated being told when to go to bed...interesting to note it didn't start in our R until over two years in. before that we loved laying in bed and watching tv together at night)
I told him that it was just a weird moment because I realised I didn't have anyone in this country that I knew without a doubt I could call at a moment's notice in an emergency. And he said of course you do you have me.
We stopped at a corner store so I could food and he was texting furiously. I raised my eyebrow and he said "boy is there a sh*tstorm abrewing for me back in (xx town)" and I felt mortified I was like I am so so sorry.
We got in the car and he mentions again that she's upset and I was like "look I hope you know I never want to cause trouble there. I wouldn't have called you..." and he put his hand on my leg and squeezed it and said "I know. she's a grown up. She'll get over it and if not tough. This is you and me here. This whole thing...this moving to England. We're in this together. We always have been" I had no idea what that meant. So I shut up and ate my food.
I know if I were his GF how I would feel in that situation, how I would react and it ain't good. And it's why I hated calling him. And it's even more why I felt like crap. Also because I'd been so proud of myself a few mins before thinking I'd pushed my boundaries done new things and then like a silly teenager couldn't even get myself home that night.
So I'm not really proud of myself in how I acted last night. But I know if the sitch was reversed I would be there for any of my friends and H is like family to me. His mum is still like family to me. She'd babysat the dog while I was working away for a few weeks.
I am detached. I just felt so needy and vulnerable last night. I am fine with filing for D, I am fine with being D. I am fine with both of us being in other relationships. I feel like we're friendlier to each other now than when we were together.
And now I'm off to spend a day at the beach with Mr Strawberry. Even though I don't think anything is happening there anymore. But that might be my..flight response so I'm just trying to be fun and have no plans or expectations.
Oh Brit don't be too hard on yourself. You were in a tricky situation. As for feeling bad about his GF - you're projecting (as you say, thinking if you were her how would you feel). I was actually really impressed with your H's response to your voicing your concern. Maybe think about it - would you feel as bad if you had called anyone else who was in a R with someone else?
Hope you have a nice relaxing day at the beach with Mr. S. Just breathe and let the day be what it is - I hope you have whatever kind of day you need to have right now
ms fierce is right, don't be so hard on yourself... and I like your H's response too and that he stood up for what he knew was the right thing to do.
i know that feeling about having no one to call and felt so so sad hearing that you are experiencing it, brit. it makes me feel so incredibly vulnerable too at times.
hope you have fun at the beach! i think it is great that you are aware of what my or may not be under your feelings for mr. strawberry and are sitting with them..
you are amazing, dear brit.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Hi Brit, I hope you are at the beach right now sitting on a blanket
i must echo vera and NG, don't be hard on yourself. i relate i think because i am here in this country and i probably would have done the same thing. tried my two close friends first and then gone to H. He is the reason i came here and is the family i have here. and i guess that will always be the case as long as i stay here.
Your H was good to do what was right. you will always have that connection no matter what your legal status is.
love you brit.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I texted H the next morning to thank him and apologise and got no response. oh well.
On reflection I think the stress, lack of food, and vulnerability affected how I viewed the situation. You're right on the projection, Vera.
I met with up Mr S and it was loads of fun. It's just easy, laidback and fun. I don't feel super giddy and butterflies but is that the basis of grown up relationships? When he dropped me off I said thank you for a nice day and he said I had a great time, as usual. no plans no expectations. but he did say that he's spent more time with me than anyone since his split a year and a half ago....so there's something there. I'm okay with this slow getting to know you style!
a funny story about the vulnerable feeling.. awhile back i bought a cool coffee table and picked it up in my car. i was having a tough day and got all vulnerable about the fact that i did not have anyone to help me get it in the house. i left it in the car all week till friends came over that weekend and they just laughed at me and asked why i did not call them sooner. it was truly that easy and i allowed myself to get all worked up over it. now i laugh about it and i hope that you will soon just laugh too about your late night escapade.
glad you had fun with Mr. S.. i think it could be quite healthy that feelings aren't rushing in so quickly after what you have been through.. to steal from cadet, time is your friend.
(((((((((( ))))))))))))))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Well I wasn't projecting. I checked in with H today about some logistical things. He told me something had slipped his mind after "the late night adventure on Friday" he'd been getting the silent treatment until midday yesterday. Seriously?
I've had a think about this especially in terms that you guys have said. and here's what I would have done. If it had been a relative I would have said of course go. If it had been a female friend or coworker I would have got out of bed and gone along. If I was in a sitch where my BF told me it wouldn't be okay for me to meet his ex I'd be thinking I shouldn't be in a relationship with them. If the sitch were reversed I wouldn't mind MR S or anyone I was dating meeting H. Maybe that coworker and that's where the issue is, because he started seeing her so soon while he was still living in our home and while I still wanted to work on the relationship it feels odd. And she obviously isn't okay with our relationship. I'm off to the Big D forum after this...hopefully you'll all still check on me!
