You know Chatter... Sometimes... I hate how right your are... My phone right this moment is about 20 feet away, and I've heard it go off with a text twice, but I refuse to go see who it is...
I found out a couple hours ago that not only is my with with OM this weekend, but she's with OM AND her entire family this weekend... so that means they all know what's going on, and they're evidently all cool with it...
I feel like such a sucker for continuting to love her so much and fight so hard for this R...
Never feel like a sucker for loving your wife. But if that is true and she is with OM and the family and under their support. I would be on plan D. As that is a level of disrespect I would not tolerate. As those actions will ruin your relationship with the in-laws. But right now your under hearsay. So do not act in haste. Use this little bitterness and anger to give you some resolve to move forward in your life. And use this to steady yourself when you want to do something silly like go all mushy or lash out in anger.
The aspect you will see now is that she will come back at you with some dictation of what your going to do. As this will have built her confidence. So just ride it out and carry on with your planned response and then put the phone down again for 4 to 6 hours and get a little gal in. Its sunny and enjoy family and friends.
No matter what. Be a gentleman.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Thanks Chatter and Starsky... Thankfully, I didn't in any way act on the information I got last night... (Mutual friend in C.FL stopped by and let me know she changed her last name on FB and was tagged with her whole family and OM at the beach).
I AM simply going to use this to strengthen my resolve in this... Plan on having "The Conversation" soon, and truly begin detaching and moving on...
Despite the new info, I am not to plan D, but I am now at the point that I can't keep "hoping for the best" and not taking solid action.
I'm going completely dark until I have the talk with her. It would be simple to do it this weekend, but I'm not sure if it's a great ides...
Definitely use this to strengthen your resolve! You have made mistakes in your M, as we all have, but that doesn't mean you need to sit around & take this kind of disrespect.
There is a huge difference in "WANTING" your W to come back & "NEEDING" your W to come back.
Time for you to get out there and build your confidence back up! Definitely remain a Gentleman in this entire fiasco (sitch), and maybe going DARK is one of those 180's you need to do in order to regain some self-confidence.
My thoughts go out to you mate. You've got a lot of thinking to do so going dark, IMO, is a good idea. Also, don't forget to GAL and think about yourself. Treat yourself to something and forget about this mess for a bit.
Although I agree that it's disrespectful to the most. I also think she is acting out of anger at the fact that you are taking control of the situation. This FB sh@t is nothing more than her trying to get to you so don't let her. Stick with your plan and be strong mate. You've been doing great and guess what? You are getting a reaction. IMO, it's still too early to tell where it's going.
Cheers,
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Skip the conversation. Time for talking is over. Time to plan your mission. Then stay on path.
If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly.
I love this Chatter! It's like I am getting a pep talk from my Battalion CO before we were about to enter the gates of Hell in Fallujah.
Please continue posting in on our (Freshman) threads! We need all the support from Vets who have won the War, so to speak (although, I know it's not truly a War).
Alkaline,
Not sure if you like Rock music, but look up "Otherwise-Soldiers" on YouTube! Fantastic & motivating song.
As it's been a busy weekend, I haven't had time to update much... GAL in full effect, and for the most part it's been going very well.
I've felt a shift in my thinking over the last couple days... Not a seismic one, mind you, but its at least a bit easier to not get SO bent out of shape when W crosses my mind.
This weekend's "Hearsay" experience, knowing that if NOTHING else, her family knows that she's spending time with OM has put a little perspective on the situation and on how rapidly the odds are stacking against my favor...
But it's not a bad feeling... It's making it a little easier to keep focusing on the things I can actually control and stop spending time thinking about things I can't.
I do feel a little bit foolish around the friends and family who have pointed out W's actions... W's seeming disregard of subtlety in what she's doing... because I know that they see me still wanting to find a way to build a new relationship with W as insane... but I won't let that stop my personal progress either way.
Chatter, you said that the time to talk is over, but to remain a gentleman in this sitch... The gentleman part I'll have no problem with, but I still feel that laying it out there (the fact that I have knowledge of OM and can't continue to support her emotionally while he's in the picture) is the right thing to do.
Chatter, you said that the time to talk is over, but to remain a gentleman in this sitch... The gentleman part I'll have no problem with, but I still feel that laying it out there (the fact that I have knowledge of OM and can't continue to support her emotionally while he's in the picture) is the right thing to do.
Thoughts?
For RIGHT NOW, based on this new info (the trip with OM), I have to agree with Chatter. The time for convo is over. Communicate through actions, not words.
Sit on this for a while AT. Let it soak in and see how you feel a week from now, or two weeks from now.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
