--Physically separated?
The first couple of months we have resided in our home together. The past week, I stayed at my parents home for half of the week, the second half of this week she left the house.
--If so, who left the marital home?
This was her idea, as "it wasn't working for her...not really separated."
--What's the plan?
I don't know we're supposed to talk tomorrow about what the plan is going to be. Based on some other threads that I've read, I'm thinking of taking the stance of I want to stay here, in our bed. If not's working for her, then she can make other arrangements (e.g. our neighbor / her bff, one of her parent's home, or even a different room in the house). I believe that is fair and a good boundary for me to set up.
--Has your W brought up a possible D?
In conversations regarding our situation, she has said she doesn't like that word, she's not ready to talk about that.
--I would proceed assuming that there is a PA with OM. If true, how would that affect what you do now and going forward?
During our initial talks, I shared with her that fidelity is a major value, the total opposite of her belief that "whatever happens, happens..and we won't talk about it (if we get back together). However, I am questioning that value. Am I willing to budge...
--I see some signs of controlling behavior on your part in your interactions with your W... and in your words about her here on this board.
Yes, I totally agree. It has been one of her complaints, and I see all clearly now. A lot of that has to do with my own attempts of making her happy by doing anything and everything I can for her....doing too much for her and not for me. My mistake.
--Based upon your description of how you were towards your W in the M, I believe that you are WAY to available and accomadating to your W right now.
You've read DR. What are your 180's? What are you doing to work on you?
I think so too. I obviously struggle with saying no to others I care for, including her. I'm working on it though. As far as 180's, the most that I can say that I have done, is not initiate contact with her, unless it's regarding the kids. as well as waiting to reply to emails or texts as opposed to the immediate response. Also, not sure if these are 180's or not, but we've talked and I no longer do her laundry as it's "awkward" for me, and I'm not going to spend my Fridays cleaning the house as thoroughly as I normally. Since last fall, I've been off on Fridays and assumed the role of "manny."
--What is your strategy here? You seem adrift with no real plan of action afa. Things kind of just seem to be happening, with you being drug along for the ride.
You hit the nail on the head. This is one of my biggest problems. I NEED to set goals and stick to them.
--In response to your last post... I know that this has you down. It is perfectly normal, IMO, to feel unsure of yourself, depressed, and taken advantage of... like a 'zero'.
Thank you for validating my feelings, not sure if it's normal or if I'm just being too insecure / needy.

Your list of my needs.
1. Going to set goals in the goalsetting forum.
2. That will be part of the goal / overall POA.
3. I've read up on it, and often say to myself "DETACH, DETACH, DETACH," Easier said than done. Tips to help?
4. Working on GAL -- part of a 180, went shopping for myself by myself (none of my friends were available). I normally wouldn't do such a thing. Also, I'm a good dad, but I'm being an even better one by being more present with my children and doing more activities together. Last night I took the 3 of them out to dinner. Another possible 180 since the W and I normally dread taking the 2 yr old out to eat. He's cute, but a handful. smile
5. You're not beating me down. You're pointing out the truth. I've started to exercise 5-6 times a week( dvd, weights), recently fixed my old mountain bike so I can ride at times, lots of reading (several of Michelle's books, CoD No More, Getting Back Together, and some non therapy type books). I'm forcing myself in a positive way to try and spend time with my friends. It may not ideally be an activity that I want to do, but it's better than nothing right? smile.
--Be a person who is fun, exciting, mysterious, funny, and that everyone wants to be around.
Oh, you mean the person I used to be. The man she fell in love with originally? wink Working on that.
--Do you have any idea what is appealing about OM to W? What needs is he meeting that you were failing to meet in the M? And don't tell me that there were none that you were failing to meet.
My guesses are as follows, he is the "ex-boyfriend that got away." They often tried to meet up and date as teenagers, yet it never worked out. She had mentioned him to me several times throughout our relationship, no biggie at that time. He recently moved back to our state, about 3 hours away I guess. She described him as always having been a player, still is, per her. Therefore, he is feeding her ego with lots of postive attention compliments and making her feel young (one of her self complaints about missing her early 20's because of having her D as 19 yr old, and a year after meeting me / getting married). Things that I was doing not doing, or at least in the wrong way (5 LLs).

Sorry for the delay, but your response is long, so I wanted to accurately take the time to respond as well. Thanks for all your help and support thus far.