Stand up. Poor and tired, but more than this.

[LIO]

Changes.... well.....
getting into trouble again.

A couple of days ago H asked if he could come over (wasn't a good time - house showing and kid discipline issue) I said it wasn't a good time 4 times. H showed up anyway and was annoyed I had security bolt on.

Then
I was invited to the fair several times specifically, I was excited, I admit. H had also been telling me about his new job he might get. Then this morning I found a conversation between ANOTHER girl and H.
I lapsed.
I asked questions, made comments - was angry...all of it. Same as it was 6 months ago. I thought I was making some progress. Or at least that I had.
I had done so well... until a new "just a friend" entered in.
BUT....
I felt like I was paving the way to make him have a easier life at my own expense.
Every night I had S with me. Every night H got to do his own thing, go to his apartment, and come and go as he wished, using the TV, Internet, food, whatever. Come in, make breakfast for us, keep us 'happy' without connecting, then take off for his own things. Leaving me with house/kid/pet and no time for GALs.

Tonight, I had H bring S with him to his still-unfurnished apartment for first time in 7 months. I was lied to again. I decided I didn't want to feel hopeful. I was in limbo. I was told to do this months ago and I didn't.
I gave an ultimatum (Call her and tell her that whatever 'thing' they have is not 'appropriate' (based on some sexual innuendo from her) otherwise you will lose me for good). He wouldn't. He chose to talk to her and hang up when I approached. I am not okay with living the rest of my life with this as okay.

He left angry, but with S. I asked S to be returned by certain time (very reasonable) and was met with: "I will bring him back whenever I FEEL like bringing him back." Yeah... So loss of control?

I might have messed up. but i don't know. In the end - it's been 8 months since this started. The sentiment is still the same from him (wants divorce - me no divorce). I don't want to feel used anymore and I felt like he was never having to experience reality. And looking back, there hasn't been a time where he wasn't lying about his involvement with a girl. I'm really not a jealous person - I just know that every time H develops a friendship with a girl, 3/4 times, it turns into a EA or PA. So why should I treat this any different now?